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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some businesses find that new employees who just finished their education lack basic interpersonal abilities such as working with other employees as a team. what do you think are the causes and what solutions can you suggest?

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Some employers may think that people who just graduated struggle to be a part of a group project because they don'
t
Use synonyms
 have fundamental personal skills. In my opinion, it can be caused because the beginner workers lack experience and the
education
Use synonyms
 system is not enough to provide it. Yet, there might be some solutions to eliminate these causes.
Firstly
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, men and women can be able to have some skills
such
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 as communication, coping with stress, and deciding the level of priorities of the tasks when they have experience working for years.
Therefore
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, individuals who just finished
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school don'
t
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 have those abilities because they don'
t
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 have the chance to work with others.
However
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, they should have an opportunity to do a project as a team before their companies give them any important jobs.
For example
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, if students have to do an internship to finish their
education
Use synonyms
, they can have the chance to learn how to work
together with
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 other people.
On the other hand
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, even if the people have an internship, they can not be able to have enough abilities to be proper employees unless the
education
Use synonyms
 system is changed. In order to upgrade
this
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 policy, the government should control the curriculum and investigate the quality of those internships.
For example
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, there should be more group projects for the final assignments at schools which are checked by the government. Individuals who can not finish those assignments shouldn'
t
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 be allowed to graduate because they need to learn how to deal with other human beings.
Nevertheless
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, the members of the groups should always change to understand different personalities because the colleagues of workers
also
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 change in real life. In conclusion, the lack of some abilities
such
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 as working with a team can be challenging for some businesses because of a bad
education
Use synonyms
 system and no experience. I think that
this
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 problem can be fixed with some arrangements at the schools.

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coherence cohesion
To achieve a higher score, aim for a more detailed development of ideas with specific examples. Consider extending some of the paragraphs for more comprehensive coverage.
coherence cohesion
While the essay contains an introduction and conclusion, try to make the thesis statement clearer and more explicit in the introduction.
task achievement
Ensure each main point is thoroughly supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument. For instance, provide more details about how internships could be structured.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear response to the task with relevant points and examples.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are generally well-organized and flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a framework for the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interpersonal abilities
  • teamwork
  • practical experience
  • communication skills
  • training
  • orientation programs
  • internship
  • apprenticeship
  • educational curriculum
  • team-building activities
  • mentoring
  • buddy system
  • lack
  • inadequate
  • insufficient
  • focus
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