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Band 4.5

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this ,all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent you agree or disagree?

#children #job #society #mothers #fathers #course #parents
Taking care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 kids in
society
 is the most vital activity
likely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
As
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
 should be
demanded
Verb problem
required
show examples
 to take a course
that is
 specialized for preparing to be good
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 and
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
. I am in complete agreement with
this
 statement. Reasons including examples are given in sequence with good concepts.
Firstly
, every kid in families
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a duty to be cared
from
Change preposition
for by
show examples
 their owners. In
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 kind
parents
 play the most crucial role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the future of
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
 and the country as well.
Main
Correct article usage
The main
show examples
 reasons to be educated
parents
 are the
increasement
Correct your spelling
increase
 in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of careless ones and they have negligence for their households by the development of technology they are very into mobile phones. Take
example
Add an article
the example
an example
show examples
 for
this
 , the studies showed that in 2023 the extent of educated bread-finders lowered from 23000 to 1000 in a year.
Secondly
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
preparing rational
parents
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 a lot of advantageous results. The educated children are brought up by intelligent
parents
. The brilliant, active generation
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 up development in their country and
be
Verb problem
becomes
show examples
 professional job owners . The rich occupation owners earn and contribute a lot . By
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
aiding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 there is a decline in the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of poor ones.
For instance
, the genetic doctors said that being
ideal
Correct article usage
an ideal
show examples
 or genius person is related to children's blood from their ancestors. Wise mothers teach their kids to be great and suitable for their country and
society
, too. By
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way of conclusion, having education
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in cities which are based on
parents
' intelligence
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
 a lot of effective results which are beneficial for
society
 and the welfare of
Add an article
the family
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 as well.When there are brilliant
parents
 in
family
Add an article
the family
a family
show examples
, smart children are born by them.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and provides reasons and examples to support your view. However, make sure that each idea is fully developed and explained. Some points could use further clarification and elaboration to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and is logically linked to the others. The transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother to improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction by clearly stating the topic and your position right at the start. Similarly, the conclusion should succinctly summarize your main points and restate your opinion more powerfully.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear stance on the topic, showing that you have a solid opinion and can argue in favor or against a given statement.
task achievement
You provide examples to support your points, demonstrating an effort to connect your ideas to concrete evidence.
coherence cohesion
The essay is broken down into clear paragraphs, showing an understanding of essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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