IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the level of violent crime in society. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #level #crime #society
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In
this
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 concurrent world, it is undoubtedly true that nowadays
director
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directors
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 make violent films. Some people
concure
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concur
 that to reduce crime in the city, harsh movies should be controlled by the government.
However
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, I quibble
from
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with
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 them and
concure
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concur
 that
government
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the government
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 has much more important issues to look
on
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at
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 and films are not only the reason of increament
of
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in
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 offences.
Adequetly
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Adequately
evidences
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evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
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 are obtainable to substantiate the concept
crime
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of crime
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influnces
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influences
influence
. The
top notch
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top-notch
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 concrete reason is unemployment. Another rationale which hauls me to paron is
financial
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my financial
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 situation or debt. The rearmost coherent factor to be considered which cannot be neglected is vengeance. To uphold my notion, I would quote an instance
of
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from
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 an article posted by
Times
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the Times
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 Of Canada, a teenager killed his uncle his family was robbed by that uncle. What is half full or some, may appear half empty to others. So the public
in general
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, in general,
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tend
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tends
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 to distinguish that an unlawful act is
influnced
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influenced
 by movies or serials which ought to be controlled by the government which has
multifactarious
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multifarious
 reasons to commence with , some people deem that
opportunites
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opportunities
 and ideas as shown on
televisions
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television
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,
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apply
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 are performed by
plethora
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a plethora
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 of criminals. Withal they
also
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 uphold that domination of supremacy on
such
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aggresive
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aggressive
 films by placing high charges or prison sentences. In recapitulate, I
retrive
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retrieve
 that there are
inumerable
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innumerable
 factors supporting the
varios
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various
 reasons of
direction
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the direction
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 of crime.
However
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,
it's
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its
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 contrary can be overlooked or controlled.
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Consequently
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Consequently,
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 I disagree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the given statement.
Submitted by tanvimprajapati97 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically to the next paragraph. This will help improve the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will enhance the strength of your task response.
coherence cohesion
Try to clarify your main points with more precise language and reduce grammatical errors. This can make your essay more coherent and comprehensive.
task achievement
You have presented a clear position on the topic, which is crucial for a good task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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