IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in puplic services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #puplic #services
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Many people believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
 investment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art is a waste of money, and
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 public services are required to be the centre of the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 attention. I strongly agree with
this
 view since public services
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
parks
 and
schools
 represent the development standards of countries.
This
 can be considered as the unit of measuring the advancement of any nation.
Parks
 are the centre gathering of families, and they are expected to show the beauty and the creativity of
engineers
Correct article usage
the engineers
show examples
 who construct
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. If various trees and flowers are cultivated in a magnificent way,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 planting flowers in a flag form, visitors and tourists will admire the brilliant minds
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 designed
such
a flags
Correct the article-noun agreement
a flag
flags
show examples
 and made
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 out of flowers.
Furthermore
, shaving the trees skilfully reflects the gardeners’ creativity in gardening.
In addition
 to
parks
, well-equipped
schools
 reflect how much the
government
 looks after education;
this
 caring is a unit of assessing any nation and
reveal
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveals
show examples
 its degrees of admiration
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
learning
Add an article
the learning
show examples
 process.
For instance
, if the
government
 provided
schools
 with smart classes and very qualified teachers , the people
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be well educated and contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 improving the country’s economy.
Besides
, if the
government
 supports gifted and
disable
Wrong verb form
disabled
show examples
 students and gives them
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 levels of concern by allocating special classes to them, creative minds will be born and enhance the level of living of the people in various domains. In conclusion, many views tend to argue that the
government
 should
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 public
service’s
Change noun form
service
show examples
 investment rather than looking after art. Personally, I believe that public services should receive the
government
’s full concentration represented by its caring with
parks
 and
schools
 that are considered as images of nations.
Submitted by reem.1988 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, and follows by supporting details and examples that directly relate to the topic. Currently, the examples provided, such as planting flowers in the shape of a flag, can be more directly linked to government investment comparisons.
task achievement
Ensure that every point of view expressed is logically developed and supported by clear reasons and examples. For instance, the link between smart classes and economic improvement could be more thoroughly explained.
task achievement
Consider explaining the opposing view in the essay to enhance balance in the argumentation and demonstrate understanding of the task. Discuss why some believe arts should receive investment or provide rebuttals to such arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the necessity for government investment in public services rather than the arts.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion that frame the argument well.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical ordering of ideas that guide the reader through the writer’s main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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