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Band 5.5

Most people accept that we now live in a globalised world but not everyone agrees that this is benefcial. To what extent is globalisation a positive or negative development? Write about the following topic: Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or examples

#people #world #globalisation #development #topic
It is undeniable that
globalisation
 has made significant variations in the lifestyle of individuals.
However
 many consider
this
 a positive development,
while
 others think it
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a negative approach. I fully agree with the bright side of a globalised
world
 which I will explain in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the pros of the interconnection of
whole
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the whole
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world
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
allow them to expand their knowledge about diverse cultural groups around them as cultural exchange, allowing
people
 to experience different cultures, cuisines and traditions, promoting multiculturalism and mutual understanding among them.
Hence
, when
people
 become aware
about
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of
show examples
 the stories of other cultures, it helps to
generates
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generate
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 the feeling of brotherhood in
individual
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individuals
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.
Moreover
, having connections with other countries allows the
set
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setting
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 up
multinational
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of multinational
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 companies in many parts of the globe which
tend
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tends
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 to boost
the
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apply
show examples
employment opportunities in
that
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those
show examples
 countries and promote economic growth
as well as
 higher standards of living
solves
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solving
show examples
 the problem of poverty in developing nations.
For instance
, MNCs of Apple, Samsung, Honda and
starbucks
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Starbucks
show examples
is
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are
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 in many locations and
increases
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increase
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 the job market for
people
 by 20%.
In addition
 to cultural benefits,
globalisation
also
 encourages technological advancements and innovations by enhancing collaboration and competition globally.
For example
, at the time of COVID-19, scientists from every corner of
world
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the world
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 came together to fight
with
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apply
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this
 virus which is one of the perfect
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
 of
globalisation
 because collaboration can not be possible without it.
Also
, it works as a boon for
people
 living away from their
family
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families
show examples
 as it
allow
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allows
show examples
 them to interact with each other, no matter where they are residing.
However
, apart from advantages, it has some cons
also
 because it
create
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creates
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 economic disparity where wealth
concentrated
Add a missing verb
is concentrated
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 in the hands of big
companines
Correct your spelling
companies
 rather than benefiting local businesses and communities.
This
 is all
due to
 the variety and affordability
in
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of
show examples
 international goods, so
people
 mostly give preference to foreign goods and
abondoned
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abandon
 the usage of goods produced locally.
To conclude
,
although
globalisation
 has some
disadvanatges
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disadvantages
, it plays a
vitol
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vital
 role in the connectivity of the
world
 with the help of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and aids
to enhance
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in enhancing
show examples
 cultural homogenisation.
Submitted by k7jassu on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on improving sentence structures to enhance readability. Some sentences are too long and can be divided into shorter ones for clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that examples are more detailed and clearly connected to main points to increase relevance and support your ideas effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-rounded argument, recognizing both the advantages and disadvantages of globalization, which shows a complete response to the task.
task achievement
Good use of examples such as COVID-19 scientists’ collaboration and multinational companies to support points about globalisation benefits.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchange
  • Economic growth
  • Technological advancements
  • Cultural homogenisation
  • Economic disparity
  • Multinational corporations
  • Local businesses
  • Climate change
  • Collaboration
  • Mutual understanding
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