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Band 5.5

Overcrowded classrooms can hinder the teaching and learning process, affecting both teachers and students. Explore the causes of overcrowding in schools and propose practical solutions to manage classroom sizes and improve the quality of education.

#classrooms #process #teachers #students #schools #classroom #sizes #quality #education
It is true that today's
schools
 have more pupils than before in one teaching room, even though the number of young population is decreasing. I believe there are two main factors why
this
 phenomenon is happening.
First,
it is because of the overpopulation in cities.
People
 want to move to big cities to get
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
education
.
As a result
, there will be
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 students in rural areas and
schools
 will disappear in the end.
Then
, again,
people
 will move to the city.
Secondly
, we have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 professors than in the past.
This
 profession used to be respected by others.
However
, nowadays, young
people
 believe
schools
 are not worth it. It is common to see them disrespecting their teachers and they don'
t
 want to become a teacher in the future. So, they can'
t
make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increase the number of classrooms because they don'
t
 have enough
people
 to educate the students. I think there are a couple of solutions to tackle
this
 problem. Governments should develop the countryside. They can'
t
 let those places become empty. To be
percise
Correct your spelling
precise
, they have to spend more money on rural
schools
 and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
education
 system. We need to make parents think that they want to raise their kids in
such
 areas. It
end
Change the verb form
ends
show examples
 up attracting families with children from big cities.
Furthermore
, we need to teach our kids that going to school doesn'
t
 only mean going to a good university or getting a
high salary
Add a hyphen
high-salary
show examples
 job, but it is for other values, that they can learn
forn
Correct your spelling
from
 their tutors or peers. In the long term, we might be able to see our kids who want to be teachers. It will bring positive vibes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
schools
 and improve the quality of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
. In conclusion, we need everyone's efforts to solve
this
 problem
such
 as governments, parents, and students themselves.
Then
 we will
able
Add a missing verb
be able
show examples
 to have
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 improved
education
 and more teachers soon.
Submitted by dob.jeong on

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Task Response
Consider strengthening the introduction with a more explicit thesis statement that clearly outlines what the essay will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by explicitly connecting each paragraph back to the main topic. This can help maintain focus and clarity throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support the points made, especially in the section discussing solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides clear divisions between causes and solutions, facilitating reader understanding.
Task Response
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas discussed in the essay and suggests an inclusive approach to solving the problem.
Task Achievement
The essay offers a practical analysis of the problem and suggests feasible solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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