Many people believe that watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is unarguable that watching a live performance
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
much more
pleasurable
Replace the word
pleasure
show examples
for the audience than watching it on television, others claim that it requires extra effort both time and money in order to appreciate the soon-to-be-broadcast
show
.
Hence
, I strongly agree with the former statement as it leaves a life-long experience in our brain will be elaborated on in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it seems sensible for some to believe that watching performances
broadcasting
Wrong verb form
broadcasted
show examples
on media
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
more enjoyable than struggling to see
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
live.
This
is possibly
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
watching a
show
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
much effort
such
as buying tickets, travelling fees or searching for proper outfits to participate
in particular
events. Take classical, For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
; wearing formal attires
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
considered as a good
ettiqute
Correct your spelling
etiquette
.
However
, I personally argue in favour of watching the
show
live
will
Correct word choice
and will
show examples
remark
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
unforgetful moments seeing that it
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
face-to-face engagement between the performers and audiences. As a matter of fact, it is widely known that our memories will
last
longer in our
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
if we
engaged
Wrong verb form
engage
show examples
in any situation
as a consequence
of the connection of our
sensory
Replace the word
senses
show examples
and
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
experiences. Based on my own experience, I used to watch the
show
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
either offline
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
online
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, I came up with the conclusion that the live performance is worth the investment as the
show
will forever be in my memories whenever I think about with. In summary,
although
it is undeniable that the struggle to watch live can be burdensome for some people, I am of the opinion that
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
money spent
worth
Add a missing verb
is worth
show examples
the
pay back
Correct your spelling
payback
show examples
as
these involvement
Change the determiner
this involvement
show examples
will marked in your brain and create an endless memory that we could
retelling
Change the verb form
retell
be retelling
show examples
for our
descendant
Fix the agreement mistake
descendants
show examples
.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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task response
Try to ensure that all parts of the essay question are adequately addressed and balanced. At times your essay leans more towards narrative rather than deeply analyzing both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically in paragraphs. Use clear topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader through your argument. Improving this will make your essay easier to follow.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will help to better illustrate your argument and improve the strength of your task response.
coherence cohesion
You present a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument nicely.
task response
Your argument about lasting memories and engagement from live performances is relevant and intriguing, showing insight into the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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