Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?
In these
days, the families' bonds have been eroded as in the past, and many individuals get accustomed to Change preposition
These
this
. There are plenty of causes of it, including spending less time, and advances in technology . Hence
, its disadvantages prevail over the benefits associated with this
problem.
Admittedly, the loosing of families
kinships stems Change the noun form
family
various
from Correct word choice
apply
competitive
economy. Correct article usage
a competitive
In other words
, individuals do
not enable to devote time Verb problem
are
with
their folks Change preposition
to
due to
globalization and Correct article usage
the increase
increase
demand for work. Wrong verb form
increased
Due to
the fact that,
longer working hours can limit the time family members spend together. Even thoughRemove the comma
apply
,
companies provide the weekends, people appeal their attention Remove the comma
apply
toward
Change preposition
to
the
problems, like house chores. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, technological advancement lead
to Change the verb form
leads
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
face-to-face
connection among family members. Change preposition
in face-to-face
For instance
, adults are engage
in social media rather than their children; Change the verb form
are engaged
are engaging
as a result
, this
trend mitigate
Change the verb form
mitigates
the
family ties.
With regard to the comparison between positive and negative sides, its drawbacks Correct article usage
apply
suprasses
the possible advantages owing to Correct your spelling
surpasses
negative
effect on mental health. One of the obvious disadvantages is that it increases feelings of loneliness and isolation, which have a devastating impact on youngsters' psychology. Add an article
a negative
the negative
Hence
, they would suffer from depression, leading to dropping
of their personal growth and academic achievements. Correct article usage
the dropping
Additionally
, the weakining
of family bonds may contribute to a loss of cultural and familial traditions passed down through generations. If parents do not take consideration in order to teach their children, these youngsters will forget their traditional ideas. To the broader aspect, Correct your spelling
weakening
this
trend would be primary
contributor Correct article usage
a primary
of
the loss of the cultural heritage of countries.
In conclusion, there are Change preposition
to
differenct
reasons for Correct your spelling
different
a
loss their Correct article usage
the
families
ties, including Change the noun form
family
a
rise of Correct article usage
the
the
social media and Correct article usage
apply
Correct article usage
the overwhelmed
overwhelmed
workload. Replace the word
overwhelming
Therefore
, its negative consequences, such
as forgetting heritage, and leading to isolation ,definetly
outweigh the positive Correct your spelling
definitely
one
.Correct pronoun usage
ones
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task achievement
Expand on how globalization and work demands specifically weaken family bonds. Include more examples or personal anecdotes.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect each point back to the main argument about family bonds.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary sentence structures and avoid using repetitive phrases, which will improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Double-check for minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents clear, structured arguments with an introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The writer identifies and explains two major reasons for the erosion of family bonds: economic demands and technology.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges the psychological impact on youngsters as a key drawback, which is insightful.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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