IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. Why is this happening? Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

In these
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These
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 days, the families' bonds have been eroded as in the past, and many individuals get accustomed to
this
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. There are plenty of causes of it, including spending less time, and advances in technology .
Hence
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, its disadvantages prevail over the benefits associated with
this
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 problem. Admittedly, the loosing of
families
Change the noun form
family
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 kinships stems
various
Correct word choice
apply
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from
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 economy.
In other words
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, individuals
do
Verb problem
are
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 not enable to devote time
with
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to
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 their folks
due to
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 globalization and
Correct article usage
the increase
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 demand for work.
Due to
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 the fact that
,
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apply
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 longer working hours can limit the time family members spend together. Even though
,
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apply
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 companies provide the weekends, people appeal their attention
toward
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to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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problems, like house chores.
Furthermore
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, technological advancement
lead
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leads
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 to
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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face-to-face
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in face-to-face
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 connection among family members.
For instance
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, adults
are engage
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are engaged
are engaging
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 in social media rather than their children;
as a result
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,
this
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 trend
mitigate
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mitigates
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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family ties. With regard to the comparison between positive and negative sides, its drawbacks
suprasses
Correct your spelling
surpasses
 the possible advantages owing to
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
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 effect on mental health. One of the obvious disadvantages is that it increases feelings of loneliness and isolation, which have a devastating impact on youngsters' psychology.
Hence
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, they would suffer from depression, leading to
dropping
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the dropping
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 of their personal growth and academic achievements.
Additionally
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, the
weakining
Correct your spelling
weakening
 of family bonds may contribute to a loss of cultural and familial traditions passed down through generations. If parents do not take consideration in order to teach their children, these youngsters will forget their traditional ideas. To the broader aspect,
this
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 trend would be
primary
Correct article usage
a primary
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 contributor
of
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to
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 the loss of the cultural heritage of countries. In conclusion, there are
differenct
Correct your spelling
different
 reasons for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 loss their
families
Change the noun form
family
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 ties, including
a
Correct article usage
the
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 rise of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media and
Correct article usage
the overwhelmed
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overwhelmed
Replace the word
overwhelming
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 workload.
Therefore
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, its negative consequences,
such
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 as forgetting heritage, and leading to isolation ,
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 outweigh the positive
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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.

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task achievement
Expand on how globalization and work demands specifically weaken family bonds. Include more examples or personal anecdotes.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect each point back to the main argument about family bonds.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary sentence structures and avoid using repetitive phrases, which will improve the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Double-check for minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing to improve clarity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents clear, structured arguments with an introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The writer identifies and explains two major reasons for the erosion of family bonds: economic demands and technology.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges the psychological impact on youngsters as a key drawback, which is insightful.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancements
  • Social media
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Geographical mobility
  • Generational differences
  • Individual independence
  • Personal growth
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Family bonds
  • Cultural traditions
  • Familial support systems
What to do next:
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