Some people think the best way to stay fit is joining a gym/heath club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Doing exercises is an important element
to maintain
Change preposition
in maintaining
show examples
a healthy body. Meanwhile, some
people
argue that joining a
gym
is the best way to be fit,
while
others claim that walking and climbing stairs these everyday
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
are adequate. In my opinion, I believe that doing daily
activities
is definitely sufficient for
retaining
Verb problem
staying
show examples
healthy and fit. On the one hand, it is true that going for sports helps
people
keep fit, as it accelerates the use of
calories
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
the human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
body. Some
people
advocate for participating in a
gym
or health club to help them build muscles and lose fat. Studies reveal that doing weight-lifting in
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
show examples
can boost the development of muscles and speed up our metabolism.
Therefore
,
people
subscribe
Correct pronoun usage
who subscribe
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
joining a
gym
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
become a trend today, as they believe that
this
is the best way to encourage themselves to gain muscles and look
more fit
Replace the words
fitter
show examples
.
On the other hand
, other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
of
people
assert that doing everyday
activities
is already enough, and it is not necessary to go to a
gym
. Humans' daily
activities
include walking, taking stairs and doing
houseworks
Correct your spelling
housework
. All these
activities
require body movement, and at the same
time
, burn
calories
. From my perspective, I believe that doing everyday
activities
can be as efficient as going to a
gym
.
For example
, walking or cycling
instead
of driving can significantly consume lots of
calories
. If
people
apply
this
approach to their lives, they do not need to struggle with the
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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of
gym
and more tiring sports
such
as weight-lifting.
Also
, doing daily
activities
to burn
calories
benefits the use of
time
and decreases the risk of getting hurt, as we do not need to spend
time
on going to a
gym
and using the heavy and risky
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
there.
Thus
,
people
can keep fit by dedicating less
time
, money and health risk, and at the same, keep their lifestyle healthy by walking
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
instead
of driving. In conclusion, going to a
gym
truly has a positive influence on
maintaining
Verb problem
keeping
show examples
people
fit.
However
, I believe the approach of engaging in everyday
activities
is adequate, as it is easier and
accessible
Correct quantifier usage
more accessible
show examples
. Spending
time
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
costs more for
people
and it is not certainly safe for everyone.
Submitted by a0979181071 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your argument. For example, you could mention the number of calories burned per hour doing certain activities or the health benefits observed among those who engage in daily activities compared to gym-goers.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs transition smoothly. Although the essay has a nice flow overall, explicitly mention transitions to guide the reader.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents your opinion effectively, which provides a strong foundation for the essay.
logical structure
Your essay logically addresses the topic from both perspectives and contains a reasonable opinion supported by argumentation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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