IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Statement: Some people prefer to develop a large social circle, whereas others prefer to have a few close relationships. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #circle #relationships
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Humans are social creatures. Social circles are needed to adapt to the social
environment
Use synonyms
. Every person cannot be separated from the social
environment
Use synonyms
. The social
environment
Use synonyms
 can be classified into two parts,
such
Linking Words
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the large social
circle
Use synonyms
 and the small social
circle
Use synonyms
 which has a few close
community
Change to a plural noun
communities
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to develop a large social
circle
Use synonyms
, and others prefer to have a few close
relationships
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, both,
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 social
circle
Use synonyms
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 social
circle
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not wrong.
People
Use synonyms
 choose
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 social
circle
Use synonyms
 or
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 social
circle
Use synonyms
, it depends on the situation and conditions,
such
Linking Words
 as
people
Use synonyms
's character,
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
, their daily
environment
Use synonyms
, desire to develop, life needs, etc. Some
people
Use synonyms
 were born and developed in a big family with
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 social
circle
Use synonyms
, and they should
developed
Change the verb form
develop
show examples
 a large social
circle
Use synonyms
 based on their character building and their daily
environment
Use synonyms
. They would be comfortable with the large social
circle
Use synonyms
,
have
Correct word choice
and have
show examples
 many friends and activities. They were born, grew up, and survived in a large social
circle
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to have a few close
relationships
Use synonyms
 in a small
circle
Use synonyms
, because they were born and developed in a small family with
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 social
circle
Use synonyms
. They should be more comfortable to have a few close
relationships
Use synonyms
 than large social
Use synonyms
circle
Fix the agreement mistake
circles
show examples
 with large
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
. They feel a deep feeling with small circles and can share anything with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 few close
relationships
Use synonyms
 privately. They were born, grew up, and survived in a small social
circle
Use synonyms
 with close
relationships
Use synonyms
. The conclusion, both, large
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 small social
Use synonyms
circle
Fix the agreement mistake
circles
show examples
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
show examples
 on
people
Use synonyms
's character building. They can choose the social
circle
Use synonyms
 based on their life needs, and they must feel comfortable with the social
circle
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by imeldarosari6 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Aim to enhance logical structure by ensuring ideas flow smoothly from one to another. Use more linking words and phrases to strengthen cohesion.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well and demonstrate a coherent overall response to the prompt.
task achievement
The essay offers a balanced discussion of both views, which shows a good understanding of the topic and contributes to a relatively complete response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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