Most pe think that teenagers should choose their jobs more realistically, however some of them think that they should choose job that they like. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Choosing a
job
is difficult for
teenagers
.
While
if
teenagers
choose their
job
realistically it can make more profit,
however
working at the
job
that they want will bring more
job
satisfaction. If
teenagers
choose a
job
that they want,they will receive more enjoyment and satisfaction from their occupation. To explain
this
,the person automatically starts to be satisfied and content with every facility at their
job
as they appreciate
this
opportunity and they could avoid stress and mental problems.
For example
,if the person likes their own
job
it’s proved by scientists that they will not have stress when they work.
Therefore
teenagers
are recommended to choose their jobs
according to
their interests.
However
, Whenever they determine the profession for their future career more realistically ,their employment will make more profit and they will have well-paid jobs.
For example
,50% of workers who work in the best companies chose their profession more realistically.
Thus
more and more people should their occupation choose more realistically. In conclusion,
although
teenagers
should choose their jobs more realistically as it will bring more profit, I personally think that they should choose it depending on their interest, as it will bring more levels of satisfaction from their profession.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a particular profession that brings job satisfaction when chosen based on interest and compare it with a realistic choice.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your logical structure is clear. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader efficiently from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay discusses both viewpoints and presents your own opinion, demonstrating a well-rounded approach to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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