Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

#celebrity #film #star #sports #personality-

being a renowned

such

as a popular film star or athlete can

brings

Wrong verb form

bring

show examples

obstacles

as well as

perks. From my point of view, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

due to

the high income and high position in communities.

Firstly

, many famous people have a large amount of money because of the advertisements they do and the films act in or because they are athletes,

therefore

, they have an enormous salary.

On the other hand

, many

argues

Change the verb form

argue

show examples

that the money they earn,

stuck

Add a missing verb

is stuck

show examples

with a contract which means there are conditions they have to obey

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

However

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

celebrities commonly

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

read the conditions and they

agree

Wrong verb form

agreed

show examples

with

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

For instance

, Brad Pett is a renowned known as

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

actor for several successful movies, there was a conference he attended

last

year, one of the journalists asked him how much he got paid for being the star of "Bullet Train", he said that more than ten million.

Secondly

, some celebrities owing to their fame

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

have

accessibilities

Fix the agreement mistake

accessibility

show examples

to enter places like events which are just for famous individuals,

in addition

, they may give an opinion on any topic and many people will be influenced by

him

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

and follow

his

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

perspective.

For example

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a study conducted a decade ago, talked about the reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

the attendance of celebrities to events they were not even

liked

Replace the word

show examples

, was to make those who were

Wrong verb form

following

show examples

them have an interest

Change preposition

show examples

it.

To sum up

, the benefits can easily outweigh the downsides because of the amount of money that

given

Add a missing verb

is given

show examples

to famous individuals,

furthermore

Correct word choice

and furthermore

show examples

, the

accessibilities

Fix the agreement mistake

accessibility

show examples

Submitted by bajahzar90 on Sat Nov 16 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that you address and acknowledge potential counterarguments more thoroughly to present a balanced view and strengthen your task achievement.

coherence cohesion

Improve logical structure by using clearer and more effective transition words and phrases between paragraphs and ideas.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support each main point, which will make your arguments more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Work on varying sentence structures to enhance the overall clarity and engagement of your writing.

coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your thoughts neatly within the essay.

task achievement

You have provided relevant examples related to income and influence, which effectively support your arguments.

task achievement

You have clearly offered your opinion and supported it with appropriate reasons.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Being a celebrity - such as famous film star or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors in major sports competition such as Olympic Games and football World Cup etc. It is better to spend money encouraging children take up sports at a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People today are not as fit as they were in the past. What are the causes of this? What can governments do to deal with this issue?

Some people have advocated for a decrease in the time that people spend watching television. Why do you think they hold this opinion? What can be done to reduce the time that people, especially children, spend in front of television screens?

You recently booked a part-time course at a college. You now need to cancel your booking. Write a letter to the college administrator. In your letter, say which part-time course you booked explain why you need to cancel your booking ask about booking a different course