Some countries encourage foreign companies to open a branch office in their country. Many people think that the government should focus on encouraging local businesses to expand rather than inviting foreign businesses to open branches. To what extent do you agree?

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Over the
last
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decades,
number
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a number
the number
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of prominent companies have
luanched
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launched
their branch throughout the world,
while
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some countries appreciate these offices and
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are eagers
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eagers
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eager
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to develop these chain
office
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offices
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in their nations, a large number of people believe, the government should allocate to the small local business to expand
instead
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of bring that company into their societies. I
partialy
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partially
agree with
this
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an
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apply
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idea,
in
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and in
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this
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essay
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essay,
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I will examine both views. Let's begin by looking at the benefits of foreign companies, despite these
sort
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sorts
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of
business
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businesses
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which can negative
affect
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effect
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on
a small ones
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small ones
a small one
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,
however
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, societies would take
advantages
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advantage
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the
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of the
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job
opportunitly
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opportunities
which they offer to
public
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the public
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,
thus
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, the rate of the unemployed would be decreased notably.
for instance
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, it is
undeniable
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an undeniable
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fact that
well kown
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well-known
chain restaurants like
the
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apply
show examples
Macdonald's have been ruining a lot of the
cozy
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cosy
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tiny cafe restaurants or even cause of going out some
startup
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startups
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,
nevertheless
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, they have been hiring
huge
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a huge
the huge
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number
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numbers
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of individuals who were
an
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apply
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unemployed. Turning to
other
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the other
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side of
argument
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the argument
an argument
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, there is widespread concern about
how
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what
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should
Verb problem
apply
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young people who want to set up their own careers do
?
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.
show examples
Most of them
they
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apply
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are not inclined to work for other ones, they are
a
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apply
show examples
creative,
an
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and
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active. there are some
publication
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publications
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have
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that have
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shown that unfortunately, higher than 90% of
the
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apply
show examples
startups go bankrupt in
first
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the first
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years and
are
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is
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predicted we will not have tiny careers in
new
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the new
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future, so
whole
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the whole
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market be taken over by prominent's ones. All things considered,
two
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the two
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views have positive and negative aspects, from my
perspective
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perspective,
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we can take into account both different ideas but, the governments and council should pass a law urgently to confine the
expantion
Correct your spelling
expansion
of these issues.
Submitted by mahyarnaseri on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay with clear paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph should address a single main idea and connect back to your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Make your introduction clearer by briefly mentioning both views and stating your opinion more explicitly. Try to summarize your conclusion to align better with your introduction.
task achievement
Avoid grammatical errors by expanding simple sentences where necessary and varying your sentence structures.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both the advantages of foreign investment and the importance of local businesses.
task achievement
You included some relevant examples, like the influence of McDonald's on local cafes, which supports your arguments well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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