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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who worked in sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming in a particular
Australia’s
Change noun form
Australia
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 region between 2001 and 2008. Generally
speaking
Add a comma
speaking,
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 it is evident that both the number of people employed in five types of work experienced downward trends over the given period. In both 2001 and 2008, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of workers in sales held the top spot, with approximately 170.000
employees
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 data in accounting witnessed a dramatic drop of 110.000
employees
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 continued its reduction minimally by 5
employees
Use synonyms
 in computing jobs in 2001.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figure
of
Change preposition
for
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 computing and nursing followed closely, each with a share of around 60.000
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2001.
Linking Words
Lastly
Add a comma
Lastly,
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 there was a significant climb of around 28.000
employees
Use synonyms
 that the fewest number of workers in five types of work. In 2008, it can be seen that there were 162.000
employees
Use synonyms
 in sales fields,but later the data of accounting
also
Linking Words
 experienced a noticeable upturn of 97.000
employees
Use synonyms
.At the same time, there was a slight growth of 20.000
employees
Use synonyms
 in the figure
of
Change preposition
apply
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working
about
Change preposition
in
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 computing, which was followed by a fall to 61.000
employees
Use synonyms
 in the amount of workers in nursing. In the
last
Linking Words
 fields, farming continued to decline considerably by 32.000
employees
Use synonyms
 in 2008.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words employees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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