An increasing number of people are choosing cosmetic surgeries. Why do people have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
As
the
medical technology Correct article usage
apply
development
, there are more Replace the word
develops
people
willing to do plastic surgeries
to change the way they look. Despite side
effects of Correct article usage
the side
surgeries
still exist
, Wrong verb form
existing
it
still Correct pronoun usage
they
overweigh
to do nothing for those Change the verb form
overweighs
people
. Overall
, I believe it is a positive development, there
are some drawbacks Correct word choice
but there
are
worth discussing before reaching a conclusion.
First of all, to do unnecessary surgery is hazardous for human bodies. Correct pronoun usage
that are
This
is because surgery could increase the risk of infections, and other health issue
. Change the wording
another health issue
other health issues
Although
the surgeries
usually were done in the
clean operation room, patients usually have to take care of their own recoveries, which is easily Correct article usage
a
get
infected by Wrong verb form
getting
becteria
. Correct your spelling
bacteria
Also
, these kinds of operations are typically not covered by insurences
and Correct your spelling
insurance
insurances
usually
dramatically expensive. Add a missing verb
are usually
As a result
, people
who want to do cosmetic surgeries
have the ability to afford finacial
costsCorrect your spelling
financial
in
. Change preposition
apply
In other words
, changing the way they look is a privillage
for the rich, which is exclusive to the Correct your spelling
privilege
publics
.
Fix the agreement mistake
public
On the other hand
, cosmetic surgeries
can also
make people
smile. It can make people
feel more confidence
if the operation Replace the word
confident
was
Wrong verb form
is
successed
Correct your spelling
successful
,
since it can Remove the comma
apply
significanlty
improve one's mental health. Correct your spelling
significantly
Also
, most individuals nowadays appreciate their right to decide the why
they look by themselves. Correct your spelling
way
Therefore
, taking responsibility to
their own Change preposition
for
appearence
is the main stream of thought.
In my opinion, given that plastic Correct your spelling
appearance
surgeries
have many of
side effects, human rights Change preposition
apply
is
the most valuable Correct subject-verb agreement
are
things
. Without the development of medical technology, those who Fix the agreement mistake
thing
are not satisfy
Change the verb form
are not satisfied
to
their look would never feel Change preposition
with
heppy
and Correct your spelling
happy
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
confidence
.Replace the word
confident
Submitted by jamexhuang on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strengthen your logical structure by clearly outlining your main points in the introduction and summarizing them effectively in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with supporting examples and explanations.
Task Achievement
Clarify complex or long sentences to improve clarity and ease of understanding.
Task Achievement
Make sure to explicitly link each example to your main arguments to strengthen your analysis.
Task Achievement
You've provided a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects of cosmetic surgery, which is a strong approach to answering the question.
Task Achievement
You’ve adequately covered the main points required by the task, discussing the reasons behind cosmetic surgery and its implications.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay exhibits a logical flow of ideas, even if there are some minor lapses in clarity.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example