Ensuring that regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lesson as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?
PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT VIEWS OF FITNESS
EXERCISE
THAT
IT IS ONLY Correct word choice
AND THAT
Correct article usage
THE RESPONSIBILITIES
RESPONSIBILITIES
OF THE PARENTS, Fix the agreement mistake
RESPONSIBILITY
HOWEVER
EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS SHOULD NOT Add the comma(s)
HOWEVER,
INCLUDED
ANY Change the verb form
INCLUDE
SPORTS
IN THEIR CURRICULUM BECAUSE IT IS CONSIDERED AS
WASTE OF CLASS TIME. I Correct your spelling
A
COMPLETE LY
DISAGREE ABOUT Correct your spelling
COMPLETELY
THIS
TOPIC AND PROVIDE RELEVANT INFORMATION ON IT.
FAMILY IS THE FIRST AND FOREMOST INSTITUTION WHERE CHILDREN CAN GET THEIR PRIMARY KNOWLEDGE AND BASIC LESSON. BUT IN
Change preposition
AT
THEIR
YOUNG AGE THEY MOSTLY SPEND THEIR Change the word
A
TIMES
IN EDUCATIONAL Fix the agreement mistake
TIME
INSTITUTION
Fix the agreement mistake
INSTITUTIONS
SUCH
AS SCHOOL
, Fix the agreement mistake
SCHOOLS
COLLEGE
OR Fix the agreement mistake
COLLEGES
UNIVERSITY
. IN Fix the agreement mistake
UNIVERSITIES
CASE
OF ROUTINE Correct article usage
THE CASE
EXERCISE
THIS
INSTIUTION
CAN PLAY A VITAL ROLE. IT HAS ENOUGH RESOURCES Correct your spelling
INSTITUTION
AS
Change preposition
FOR
A
EXAMPLE Correct article usage
apply
OF
PLAYGROUND, INDOOR SPACE, Change preposition
apply
NECESSARY
EQUIPMENT. STUDENTS CAN EASILY GET OPPORTUNITIES Correct word choice
AND NECESSARY
FOR DOING
THEIR DAILY PHYSICAL Change preposition
TO DO
EXERCISE
. BESIDES
, ENVOLVEMENT
OF Correct article usage
THE ENVOLVEMENT
SPORTS RELATED
SUBJECTS IN THE CURRICULUM DEVELOPED THEIR SKILLS WHO ARE PASSIONATE Add a hyphen
SPORTS-RELATED
FOR
DIFFERENT GAMES. Change preposition
ABOUT
IN ADDITION
, SCHOOL HAS Correct article usage
A RESPONSIBILITIES
RESPONSIBILITIES
TO PROVIDE PHYSICAL FITNESS OPPORTUNITIES, Fix the agreement mistake
RESPONSIBILITY
THUS
IT IS NOT A WASTE OF VALUABLE TIME. ONE CAN ACHIEVE DIGNITY FOR COUNTRY
BY PARTICIPATING Correct article usage
THE COUNTRY
DIFFERENT
PRESTIGIOUS INTERNATIONAL Change preposition
IN DIFFERENT
SPORTS
COMPETITION
. Fix the agreement mistake
COMPETITIONS
FOR INSTANCE
, BY IMPROVING ONE SKILLS RELATED TO SPORTS
HE OR SHE CAN ACHIEVE PRIZES IN THE
COMPETITION Correct article usage
A
SUCH
AS OLYMPIC
GAMES.
Correct article usage
THE OLYMPIC
MOREOVER
, PARENTS HAVE SOME RESPONSIBILITY TO GIVE PROPER ENVIRONMENT FOR DAILY EXERCISE
. THEY CAN PROVIDE FEW
Correct article usage
A FEW
LESSON
TO THEM Fix the agreement mistake
LESSONS
IN HOUSE
AND TEACH THEM ABOUT PHYSICAL FITNESS. THEY CAN RAISE AWARENESS OF PHYSICAL HEALTH BY PROVIDING NUTRITIOUS Add a hyphen
IN-HOUSE
MEAL
. THEY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF PHYSICAL Fix the agreement mistake
MEALS
EXERCISE
AND HARMFUL
EFFECTS OF LAZINESS.
Correct article usage
THE HARMFUL
TO CONCLUDE
, THOUGH, SCHOOLS ARE CONSIDERED TO BE A MAJOR MEDIA
FOR ROUTINE PHYSICAL Fix the agreement mistake
MEDIUM
EXERCISE
PARENTS ALSO
SHOULD PERFORM THEIR LIABILITY BY ENSURING PROPER
ENVIRONMENT FOR Correct article usage
A PROPER
EXERCISE
.Submitted by jisan.path1506605 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance. To achieve a higher score, try to include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is strong overall, but ensuring smoother transitions between some paragraphs could enhance cohesion further.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion present, effectively framing your argument.
task achievement
You've provided a well-structured argument that conveys your point of view and supports it with reasonable arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.