Some people think that schools are too competitive and that this has a negative impact on children. Others believe the competitive environment encourages children to achieve. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
School is
a
educational temple where young ones are given the shower of knowledge. It is discussed by some individuals that Change the article
an
in
learning centres can be toxic for the Change preposition
apply
kids
are there is too much competition, whereas
others think that it bring
Change the verb form
brings
best
performance of a child. Upcoming writing will shed light on both the Change the article
the best
perspective
discussed above. I believe that contesting with peers Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
youngster
to elevate their Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
performannce
.
On the Correct your spelling
performance
one
hand, young ones performe
better under Correct your spelling
perform
performed
the
peer pressure. When a child feels that his or her peers are studying hard, Correct article usage
apply
than
they can Replace the word
then
also
get motivated to work hard. For example
, variours
matches and games are organized in the learning centres which give reason to Correct your spelling
various
youngster
to perform better in order to win. Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
This
motivates kids
themselves to do their best by themselves without being said
by Verb problem
told
teacher
or Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
gardians
. Correct your spelling
guardians
guardian
Therefore
, healthy competitions
can make Fix the agreement mistake
competition
kids
enthusiastic for working
more efficiently, there is no need for anyone else Change preposition
to work
asking
young ones to work hard.
On the Change the verb form
to ask
second
hand, too much competition can Correct word choice
other
also
de-motivate a young one
if he or she is not able to do better than their peers. Sometime
in Replace the word
Sometimes
school
setting too many exams are conducted which can Add an article
a school
the school
make
constant stress on the students. Verb problem
cause
For example
, in Correct article usage
the curiculum
curiculum
of the educational Correct your spelling
curriculum
institues
matches are conducted in sports, art and syllabus due Correct your spelling
institutes
which
students cannot Change preposition
to which
focus
on the
Correct article usage
apply
one
particular thing. As learners
will feel pressured and they will not be able to give a good performance in Correct word choice
Learners
anyone
of them. Correct your spelling
any one
Instead
healthy contests should be conducted with some Add a comma
Instead,
time
gap so that youngster
can get Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
sometime
to Replace the word
some time
focus
one
thing at a Change preposition
on one
time
. Hence
, if learners are occupied in
too many things, Change preposition
with
than
they will not be able to Replace the word
then
focus
on the single.
I believe youngster
can bring Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
best
out of them in healthy competitionCorrect article usage
the best
,
if contests are organized with Remove the comma
apply
time
gap.
Considering all the points above, Add an article
a time
although
kids
can work hard in the contests but
at Remove the conjunction
apply
same
Add an article
the same
time
, too many competitions can deviate the focus
and pressurize
them.Verb problem
pressure
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task response
Make sure to address all parts of the task comprehensively. Try to balance your points more evenly. Currently, there's more emphasis on the disadvantages rather than equally discussing both sides of the argument.
task response
Work on providing clearer examples that are more closely linked to the points you're making. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by ensuring each sentence and paragraph naturally follows from the previous one, with appropriate use of linking words.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vocabulary choice to express your points more clearly. Proofreading for errors in spelling and sentence structure will help improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for discussing the two differing viewpoints and gives a brief overview of your own opinion, which is important for framing your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively presented a conclusion that summarizes your view on the topic, which is an essential component of a cohesive essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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