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Band 4.5

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool. To what extent do you agree with this?

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Introduction
Nowadays, more and more children like to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
television
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of reading books. Some people think it is not good, because as a learning
tool
Use synonyms
 book is much better than
television
Use synonyms
. But for
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 I disagree with it.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
television
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 can be a good
Use synonyms
tools
Correct the article-noun agreement
tool
show examples
 for learning.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
television
Use synonyms
, there
have
Verb problem
are
show examples
 different kinds of
progamme
Correct your spelling
programme
programmes
, some
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 for entertainment, but
also
Linking Words
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
some
programme
Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
show examples
is for
Verb problem
to
show examples
 provide
imformation
Correct your spelling
information
.
Such
Linking Words
 as some
programme
Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
talk about health. It will show how
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people get sick, when they are sick what they
are look
Change the verb form
look
show examples
 like, and they
invient
Correct your spelling
invite
 a
dotocer
Correct your spelling
doctor
 to say what the illness
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to focus
and
Change preposition
on and
show examples
 how to be better. There are a lot of talk
show
Fix the agreement mistake
shows
show examples
, we can
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
know
Verb problem
apply
show examples
about how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
 think in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society now.
Teletvision
Correct your spelling
Television
 can bring
the imformationwith
Replace the word
information
show examples
 vision and sound it can
more easy
Correct word choice
make it easier
show examples
 to let the audience know
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what it
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to talk about. So,
television
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 can be a
god
Correct your spelling
good
show examples
tool
Use synonyms
 for learning too.
Conclusion
But
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 may
said
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 books
more
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 better because it is born
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
as a learning
tool
Use synonyms
. But is it true?
Book
Fix the agreement mistake
Books
show examples
 can be a learning
tool
Use synonyms
, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for entertainment.
Some
Change preposition
In some
show examples
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as novels, comics ,and mangas, it
hard
Add a missing verb
is hard
show examples
 to say they are learning
tools
Use synonyms
. Just like
television
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 different
progammes
Correct your spelling
programmes
, books
also
Linking Words
 have
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
 types.
Tools
Use synonyms
 are
tools
Use synonyms
 the main point of
tools
Use synonyms
 always is how people
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
use them but not the
tools
Use synonyms
 are what.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your argument is presented clearly at the beginning and referred back to in the conclusion to create a cohesive essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases to connect ideas across paragraphs and within them, enhancing the flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points further with more specific examples or explanations to support your argument effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to address the task by presenting a viewpoint regarding television as a learning tool compared to books.
Coherence and Cohesion
There's an effort to organize the essay into an introduction and body paragraphs, which demonstrates awareness of essay structure.
Task Achievement
The essay discusses various types of television programs, showing the writer's ability to generate ideas relevant to the topic.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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