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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about the population of New Zealand from 2011 to 2012 by age group. Summarize the formation by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table illustrates
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
population
Use synonyms
 of a country called New Zealand in 2011 and 2012 by their proportion of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Overall
Linking Words
,
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 significant increase was
65+
Change preposition
in 65+
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 groups,
while
Linking Words
 both Under 15 and 15-39
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the least amount of
population
Use synonyms
. In 2011,
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 ages
population
Use synonyms
 was about 4.381.269 and
increased
Correct pronoun usage
this increased
show examples
 to 4.410.84 about +0.6% in 2012.
Thereafter
Linking Words
,
40
Correct article usage
the 40
show examples
-64
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 were 1.331.907 in 2011 and jumped to 1.339.898 in 2012 around +0.6% same as all ages
group
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, most
population
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dramatically increased in the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 65+ which was around +4.0% about 573.946 to 596.903 in 2011 and 2012 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, under 15
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 were 898.160 in 2011 and in 2012 it decreased -0.2% about 896.364. And 15-39
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 had
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 condition as
under
Correct article usage
the under
show examples
 15
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 1.577.256 in 2011 after that in 2012 it diminished the percentage of their
population
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 -0.2% which was 1.574.102.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population growth
  • age group
  • increase
  • decline
  • elderly population
  • aging population
  • working-age population
  • stable labor force
  • modest increase
  • significant change
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