IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Percentage of UK people who consumed the daily recommended amount of fruit and vegetable in 2002, 2006 and 2010.

#percentage #uk #people #amount #fruit #vegetable
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The diagram compares men, women and
children
Change noun form
children's
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 consumption of fruit and vegetables throughout three different years.
Overall
Linking Words
 it
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased after the first
four year
Add a hyphen
four-year
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 break,
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however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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 it decreased after the
second,
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but the consumption
rate
Use synonyms
 was still higher than in the beginning. In 2002
one fourth
Add a hyphen
one-fourth
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 of females in the UK
were having
Wrong verb form
had
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 the recommended amount every day and that was the highest compared with males and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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youngsters. Men’s percentage was only lower by three
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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,
however
Linking Words
, children were down by fourteen.
This
Linking Words
 big difference followed throughout all the years. In 2006 women reached their peak eating
rate
Use synonyms
 of 32
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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,
Linking Words
furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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 others’
rate
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 increased as well by 4 and 7 and that was an
all time
Add a hyphen
all-time
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 high for all of them in
this
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 period of time. In sharp
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 the young always had the lowest
rate
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 of consumption when in 2010 it decreased to 16%.
However
Linking Words
, women and men did not stay very consistent, with both of their rates decreasing too. Through all the years the females were definitely the most healthy eaters staying at the top all the time,
whereas
Linking Words
 men were always in the middle.
Submitted by oimigle on

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introduction cohesion
Ensure that your introduction is clearer about what the diagram specifically shows. This will help set the context more effectively for the rest of your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
While your essay does well to compare the data across the years, you could improve clarity by integrating more data-specific details or statistics where relevant.
introduction conclusion present
You may consider concluding your essay with a summary or final observation to wrap up your discussion neatly.
task achievement
You have effectively identified the overall trend in the data, observing both increases and decreases over the years.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure, clearly comparing the consumption across genders and age groups.
supported main points
You have provided relevant and specific examples from the data to support your points, such as specific percentage increases and decreases.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Daily recommended amount
  • Fruits and vegetables
  • Consumption levels
  • Public health campaigns
  • 5-a-day campaign
  • Dietary trends
  • Economic conditions
  • Awareness of health issues
  • Availability and variety
  • Supermarkets
  • Economic recession impacts
  • Societal norms
  • Dietary patterns
  • Taxation and subsidies
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