IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Percentage of UK people who consumed the daily recommended amount of fruit and vegetable in 2002, 2006 and 2010.

The graph presents the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people who consumed an average amount of fruits and vegetables daily throughout the years: 2002,2006,2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that females consumed the most vegetables and fruits compared to youngsters who fall in the lowest category and males who stayed in the middle. In
2002
Punctuation problem
2002,
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 women reached 25% of daily consumption
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 children had only 11% which is twice as low
compared
Change preposition
as compared
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to
Change preposition
of
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 men
who
Punctuation problem
, who
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 reached 22% that year. During the year
2006
Add a comma
2006,
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 all three categories had an increase in their consumption. The biggest difference was made by females and pupils because both of these groups had an increase of 7% and the smallest change could be seen in
males
Check wording
males'
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 data as their intake increased only by 4%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, at the year
2010
Add a comma
2010,
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 the numbers of all the groups decreased. Females faced the biggest downfall of
6%^
Correct your spelling
6% while
while
Linking Words
 both males and pupils had a decline of 2%.

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accuracy
The fact in 2002 with 11% is not twice as low as 22%. It is about half. Fix this error.
structure
Use one clear start and one close line.
coherence
Use easy links to guide the reader, like then, after, but, also.
grammar
Keep to few simple facts and write in plain style.
strength
Numbers are used to show each year.
strength
The idea of a simple trend is seen.
strength
The text shows a plan by year.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Daily recommended amount
  • Fruits and vegetables
  • Consumption levels
  • Public health campaigns
  • 5-a-day campaign
  • Dietary trends
  • Economic conditions
  • Awareness of health issues
  • Availability and variety
  • Supermarkets
  • Economic recession impacts
  • Societal norms
  • Dietary patterns
  • Taxation and subsidies
What to do next:
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