IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that governments should take a large proportion of people’s salaries to pay for necessary public services such as roads and schools. Others feel that high taxes are a bad thing.

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Introduction
Many people think that authorities should consume a significant part of
people’s
Use synonyms
 income in order to invest in public facilities
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 roads and schools.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there
others
Verb problem
are others
show examples
 who believe that high taxes are not a good thing. I agree with the fact that governments should take a great proportion of
people’s
Use synonyms
salaries
Use synonyms
 for social services. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the state will provide excellent improvement in society, whether in education or infrastructure.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, governments should invest in public services by taking a good amount of
people’s
Use synonyms
salaries
Use synonyms
. People will benefit from higher standards in various aspects of life in their country
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as good roads and better education.
For example
Linking Words
, children will have the opportunity to receive a greater education, to study at
good looking
Correct your spelling
good-looking
 public schools with
saver
Use the right word
safer
show examples
 buildings. Studies will become more advanced and qualitative even in the countryside, because
salaries
Use synonyms
 from high
tax
Check wording
taxes
show examples
 will be paid for teachers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 pupils will have access to high-quality educational books. Another aspect is infrastructure. Nowadays, many blame bad road conditions, which is a big issue in our country. Road work will surely be improved if the governments
will
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
pay for it. People will be able to travel more easily by car without traffic
jam
Check wording
jams
show examples
 anymore and reach their destinations in a short time.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 progress will
also
Linking Words
 reduce the risk of car accidents.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others do not agree with high taxes that are paid for public services.
This
Linking Words
 is not affordable for some families from certain social categories.
For instance
Linking Words
, poor families, especially
the ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 with many children, will struggle to cover their expenses.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a low-income family may have less money for rent and for their
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
 necessities
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 food, toys, clothes and school.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think both sides of the argument have their own merits.
However
Linking Words
, I believe
tax
Check wording
taxes
show examples
 should be fair. The state could invest in public facilities from
people’s
Use synonyms
salaries
Use synonyms
 to enhance their quality of life in different areas.

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Task response
Score: 6. Your ideas are clear, but your main view changes a little. In the start, you say you agree with taking a great part of salaries. In the end, you say tax should be fair. State this full view at the start: high tax can be good if it is fair and helps public services.
Task response
Give a more exact example. For roads, explain how tax money can pay for road repair, buses, or safe crossings. For schools, explain how it can pay for teachers, books, and school rooms.
Task response
The side against high tax needs one more point. For example, high tax may make people have less reason to work or save money.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Put each main idea in a clear order. In the first body part, write first about schools, then about roads. Give one short example after each idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear or are too strong. “Road work will surely be improved” is too certain. Say “Road work may improve if the government uses the money well.”
Coherence and cohesion
Make the end match the start. End with a direct view: “In my view, governments should take enough tax for roads and schools, but poor families should pay less.”
Task response
You clearly give your view: tax should be used for public services, but it should be fair.
Task response
You talk about both sides and use clear areas: schools, roads, and low-income families.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use helpful link words, such as “On the one hand”, “For example”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Proportion of salary
  • Necessary public services
  • Economic growth
  • Quality of life
  • Redistributing wealth
  • Discourage
  • Motivation and productivity
  • Favorable tax conditions
  • Infringement on personal freedom
  • Balanced approach
  • Progressive tax system
  • Economic activity
  • Financial growth
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