IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Older generations often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thought and behaviour. Most people argue that these are not helpful for younger generations to prepare for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The
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concepts
Fix the agreement mistake
concept
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tradition
is
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are
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 confirmed as a key factor
to provide
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in providing
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 guidance and solutions by
olders
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older
while
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 it might not suit the modern lives of youngsters.I believe with the idea that most of the traditional
concepts
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 are outdated to connect them with modern
life
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,even if it
is
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are
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 full of crucial
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
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 related to
the
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apply
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respect for adults,the role of family and discipline which can be applied by
youngers
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younger
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 in modern
life
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. Many traditional
concepts
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 do not support the equality of genders.By limiting women's and men's opportunities in the society.
For example
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,traditional ideas include a belief that women should focus on household responsibilities
while
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 it was only men's duty to earn and provide all necessities for the family.
As a result
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, younger generations may feel restricted and misunderstood by traditional views of gender inequality, especially when they grow up in an environment that values and promotes gender equality. These conflicting thoughts will create a sense of disconnection between old and young generations.
On the other hand
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,the traditional ideas provide sagacious advice that can be applied in modern
life
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,especially for juniors.
For instance
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,most of the traditional
concepts
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 support and teach how to live in discipline which is so significant to apply In today's
life
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.Many juniors struggle to organize their messy
life
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due to
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 a lack of methods and it can be prevalent among young generations.
In addition
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,it is crucial to manage
the
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apply
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time effectively,setting goals which help younger people to navigate chaotic
schedule
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schedules
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 by following the old traditional ideas. In conclusion,
while
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 most traditional methods do not have in common with the present,it is important to take traditional
concepts
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 into account when making decisions and solving problems.

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Task Response
While you've effectively addressed the task and offered a response which touches on both positive and negative aspects of traditional concepts, ensure that all the points you raise are accompanied by sufficient evidence or examples for better clarity. For instance, when discussing gender roles, consider integrating real-world examples or data.
Task Response
Continue to work on developing clear and comprehensive ideas. Make sure each paragraph contains a distinct main idea which is fully developed and supported.
Coherence and Cohesion
Although your ideas follow a logical structure, you could strengthen coherence by enhancing the flow between paragraphs. Employ more transition phrases and linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-developed. They help to frame and summarize the discussion effectively.
Logical Structure
The essay has a logical structure, and you clearly support your main points with examples, such as gender roles and managing time effectively.
Task Response
You have successfully incorporated some traditional ideas into your arguments, highlighting both their relevance and obsolescence in modern life.
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