IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries? Notice that there are two questions: 1) Why do many people prefer to watch foreign films? 2) Should governments support local film industries?

#people #films #be #governments #support #film #industries #notice #two #questions
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Lately, with the increasing number of multiple movie options, numerous
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to watch foreign
films
Use synonyms
 over locally produced
films
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 led to a popular question of whether or not governments should finance the local
film
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 industries.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the root causes of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
while
Linking Words
 discussing the necessity of the government to
support
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 local
film
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 industries.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon may be caused by the exposure
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 foreign
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 and new perspectives that are offered through foreign
movies
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. Foreign
movies
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 often deliver a story and the allure with a more advanced technique and cinematography that may not be popular in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
locally produced
movies
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.
For example
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, Hollywood
movies
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 are renowned for their high production
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
attract the audience
by
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to
show examples
 the qualities of the
movies
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the actresses and actors that play the role tend to be renowned
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can increase the number of audiences watching their
movies
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. As a matter of fact, the level of
actress
Fix the agreement mistake
actresses
show examples
 or
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
of
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in
show examples
 foreign
movies
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 and local
movies
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 is not compatible, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
people
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 to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 foreign over local
movies
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. In terms of financial
support
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 from the government,
this
Linking Words
 could increase the production of the movie
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 slowly led the local
film
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 industries
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the same level
with
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as
show examples
 foreign
films
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. Financial
support
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 can help the production team to produce high-quality
movies
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 with a better promotion that enables them to compete with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 foreign
movies
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. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are valid reasons for many
people
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 to watch foreign
films
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 over local
films
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, I believe that the opportunity given by the government to financially
support
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 the local
film
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 industry can slowly lead to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 advancement of local
movies
Use synonyms
 to the international level.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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task response
Try to further elaborate on your examples with more specific details. Providing concrete examples can strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer. Avoid overly complex sentences that might confuse readers.
structure
You have clearly introduced and concluded the essay, maintaining a strong structure throughout.
task response
The exploration of reasons why people prefer foreign films is thorough and well-articulated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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