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Writing Samples
Band 5

In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

#years #structure #role #members #kinds #changes
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Nowadays, we might see many
men
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 who can do
house working
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housework
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 or we might see many women who can repair cars. Over the years, everything has been changing and they have a lot of effects.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain the role of family members are affected positively and negatively. İn the past, tasks in houses are different and
everyone
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 is responsible for their own
work
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.
For instance
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, women should Cook, do cleaning, care for their babies and should not go to
work
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 outside.
In contrast
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, the
men
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 can
work
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 outside and bring the money home. If there were some works that
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 strength, the
men
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 could do without help.
Additionally
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, these were acceptable things in the world. If we examine
this
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 structure,
everyone
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 can do their
work
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 in a perfect way.
However
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, the world
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed one Day, women started to get out of their homes and they
can realise
Wrong verb form
realised
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 that they could do the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 that they wanted. The
men
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 seeing
this
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 happening,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have begun to think that they must help their own wives at home. So,
everyone
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 can start to try anything else that they would like to do.
Finally
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, mums feel their motherhood is not enough, and dads or husbands feel their fatherhood or partnership is not enough as well. Because
,
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apply
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everyone
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 knows everything, they do not need each other.
This
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 is the most important negative effect. İn conclusion, we might see in the future a more changeable life for us. Both of these effects must have been accepted in the spinning world.
Submitted by denizkevser08 on

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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your points more compelling and nuanced.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using transition sentences and connectors effectively. This will help in maintaining a smooth flow of ideas.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced discussion of both positive and negative changes in family roles.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay nicely.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income
  • gender roles
  • single-parent households
  • divorce rates
  • same-sex parents
  • multigenerational
  • family dynamics
  • aging population
  • communication technology
  • child-rearing approaches
  • work-life balance
  • remote working
  • family structure
What to do next:
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