IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #poverty #aid
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To control poverty in some poor
countries
 one of the main solutions is that
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
countries
 give
money
 to them
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are other positive solutions which are more practical. I agree that
development
Replace the word
developing
show examples
countries
 can have
effective
Add an article
an effective
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 role
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they
will
Verb problem
apply
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invest
inside
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the poor
countries
 and
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
 more job opportunities rather than giving
money
. It is observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 financial
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 from developed regions can be robbed by politics in developing
countries
.
That is
 why
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
most of the time
money
 cannot
effort
Verb problem
afford
show examples
beneficial
Correct article usage
a beneficial
show examples
 lifestyle for people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those areas.
For example
, every year the amount of
money
 has been sent to Africa by many
Charites
Correct your spelling
charities
show examples
 in developed
countries
however
, none of the financial problems or
people
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people's
show examples
 poverty have not solved.
In addition
, sometimes these financial
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 on
unscary
Add an article
the unscary
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field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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due to
 lack of management. On the other side, poor
countries
 can ask
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 help in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 other way,
for instance
, investigation of rich reigns in different areas can
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 effective impacts for both sides.
Due to
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 rate of investigations job opportunities will
be risen
Wrong verb form
rise
show examples
 in that society,
furthermore
, the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of experts and imports will change in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 years.
For example
,
stablish
Correct your spelling
establishing
 a
brunch
Correct your spelling
launch
show examples
 of
NIKE
Correct article usage
the NIKE
show examples
 brand in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
India has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
created lots of job opportunities in recent decades. In conclusion, In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is a good way to help poor
countries
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
other type
Change the wording
another type
other types
show examples
 of ways
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because that
kinds
Fix the agreement mistake
kind
show examples
 of
helps
Change the wording
help
bits of help
show examples
 will continue over the years and many people can
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from that.
Submitted by writing9.pry221 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your essay more clearly by organizing paragraphs around a single main idea and using clear topic sentences to guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Make sure all parts of the question are addressed thoroughly, including discussing different types of aid other than financial.
Task Achievement
Support your points with more specific and diverse examples to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and a conclusion that relate to the topic.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the prompt by agreeing that developed countries should provide other forms of assistance besides financial aid.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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