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Band 6.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
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The two bar charts illustrate the percentage of people who
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
 in
Australia
 and outside
Australia
 in 3
diffrents
Correct your spelling
different
areas
 (
towns
,
cities
,
rural
Correct word choice
and rural
show examples
areas
).
These
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This
show examples
 comparison is between 1995 and 2010.
Overall
, a glance at the bar charts
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that in
Australia
 and outside
Australia
 the highest proportion were born in
cities
 in both of the given years. On the other side,
while
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of
towns
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 percentage in 1955, in 2010 rural
areas
 had the smallest amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
births. In 1955,
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 50% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 born in
cities
 (around 50% in
Australia
 and 60%
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
).
However
, the proportion of
towns
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 time was almost 20% in
Australia
 and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
Australia
Add a comma
Australia,
show examples
this
 percentage
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 lower which was around 10% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
. In terms of rural
areas
, 30% and 40% of people were born in
Australia
 and outside
Australia
 respectively. On the other side, in 2010 same as the 1995
cities
 had the highest percentages in both
Australia
 and outside
Australia
.
Furthermore
 in
Australia
, the amount of
towns
 and rural population
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had the same percentages which was around 18%.
In outside
Change preposition
Outside
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there were around 10% and 5% respectively.
Submitted by writing9.pry221 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words australia, areas, towns, cities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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