IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults who commit crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
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 think that children under the
age
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 of eighteen when committing a crime have to be judged as adults and not differently, because the crime
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 is equal,
therefore
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age
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 is not crucial. I strongly disagree with
this
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 view for several reasons that will be underlined in
this
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 essay. First of all, young
people
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 should be treated differently because
age
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 is an important factor
to understand
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in understanding
show examples
 the actions of
people
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.
In other words
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, being young is crucial when talking about
people
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, especially in the case of committing a crime. Research has shown that the brain of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
youth is not fully developed,
therefore
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
critical thinking, which should stop
people
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doing
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from doing
show examples
 wrong actions, doesn’t work.
For instance
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, some young
people
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 realise what they have done only after talking with some experts,
such
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 as forensic
psychologist
Fix the agreement mistake
psychologists
show examples
 or
detective
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detectives
show examples
.
Secondly
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, another reason why they have to be judged in a different way is because they still have a long life ahead. The government should look after them and invest
on
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in
show examples
 social programs to reintroduce them
in
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to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
For
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this
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 reason, judges shouldn’t treat them in the same way as adults
due to
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 the fact that there is a high probability that they can be different after
supporting
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support
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. In conclusion, these crucial factors,
Use synonyms
age related
Add a hyphen
age-related
show examples
 to brain development and the life that they still have to live, are important to keep in mind before treating young children as adults, because they are still young enough to change their life trajectory, with the right supports, for a better outcome

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of the essay.
task achievement
Consider adding more varied examples to support your points, which can make your arguments stronger.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
logical structure
You maintain a clear and consistent argument throughout the essay, which contributes to a strong sense of coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and reinforces your stance.
complete response
You have addressed the prompt well by focusing on young people's capacity for change and development.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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