IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Too much emphasis is put on going to university for academic studies. We should encourage people to have to vocational education since there are not enough qualified businessmen, electricians and plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of contemporary
education
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 theories in our society. The
education
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 curriculum
have
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has
show examples
 become significantly important.
Whereas
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 some people see higher
education
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 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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essential, others argue that practical
skills
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 are
also
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 necessary for professional knowledge. From my perspective, I am in favour of the latter, and the reasons will be elaborated on as
fallows
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follows
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. First of all, it is undeniable that not all
student
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students
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 like to
studying
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study
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in
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at
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 university.
In other words
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, individuals have their own interest areas, and some students might find academic research
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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boring, which can lead to bad academic performance. In terms of research, reading papers and taking exams took too much
times
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time
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, which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to
students
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students'
student's
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lake
Correct your spelling
lack
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 of other
skills
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such
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 as cognitive
skills
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, creativity and
problem- solving
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problem-solving
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skills
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.
Moreover
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, Academic knowledge may not be useful in our daily
life
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lives
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 or future jobs.
For example
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, take Taiwan as an example, there are many people working in different
industry
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industries
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 as their
majored
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major
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 study in university
,
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apply
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 because they
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 it
difficulty
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difficult
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 to find a job in
job
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the job
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markets
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market
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.
As a result
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,
higher
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the higher
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education
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 system have very
limit
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limited
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 learning approaches, which can
be restricted
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restrict
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individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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 well-round development and future
career
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careers
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. On the other
hands
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hand
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, it is knowledgeable that vocational
education
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such
Linking Words
 as electricians, plumbers and businessmen
are potentially be
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are potentially
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 rich. Their
skills
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 are essential and unique in the job markets,
in particular
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, these jobs can easily
self-employed
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be self-employed
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 and charge
high
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a high
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 admission fee.
For instance
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,
according to
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 study conducted by National Taiwan
university
Capitalize word
University
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, over 20
percent
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per cent
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plumber
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of plumber
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 their own business and
well-earned
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are well-earned
show examples
. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned reasons, I
am strongly agree
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strongly agree
show examples
 that vocational
education
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
positive
Add an article
a positive
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 impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our
education
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 system.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should pay more attention to it.

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Task Response
While the essay presents arguments for both academic and vocational education, it would benefit from a clearer explanation of the importance of balancing the two. Consider including a paragraph that discusses how they can complement each other or a more explicit stance on the balance needed in society.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity, such as subject-verb agreement (e.g., "the education curriculum has" instead of "have") and sentence cohesion. This will improve overall readability and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly sets out the main argument and provides a brief overview of the essay's structure, which helps the reader understand the direction of the essay.
Task Achievement
Examples like the situation in Taiwan add specificity and relevance to the argument about vocational education being profitable and essential in the job market.
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