IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that countries should produce the food to feed their population themselves and import as little as possible. AS To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #food #population #import
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
 of people think that countries need to manufacture
products
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their citizens.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 initiative because if
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
 has
Add an article
the condition
a condition
show examples
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 to
product
Replace the word
produce
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 foods,it reduces of harmful effects of other
country
food
 and it helps to increase our
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
budget
. The primary reason that we should produce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 to feed,we can avoid to side effects of damaging
products
.If the
country
 has normal economic and weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
, it can pay attention to
develop
Wrong verb form
developing and
show examples
 producing high-quality crops and
food
. All developed countries have to focus
to make
Change preposition
on making
show examples
 a variety of
cuisine
Fix the agreement mistake
cuisines
show examples
 and some
products
.
For example
, the condition of my
country
 can contrast available
products
 like flour for backing more bread, various types of vegetables, of
course
Add the comma(s)
course,
show examples
 able to make spices and others.
Moreover
, paying attention to money is vital and affects financial decisions.Authorities always have to assign the
budget
 to significant needs.Making some
products
 in own
country
 reduces paying a huge amount of money to import.So,
accesing
Correct your spelling
accessing
 to produce some foods can develop our profit.
For example
,in Malaysia after 10 years when the government faced
insufficient
Correct article usage
an insufficient
show examples
budget
 decided to create
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
food
 factories
instead
 of exporting for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big money.
To sum up
,I agree with most people that a
country
 must produce its own
food
 for the entire nation
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
this
 increases the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
budget
 and we can use our own
food
products
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task response
Ensure that you clearly define whether you 'agree' or 'disagree' with the statement in the introduction for clarity.
task response
Provide more relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points further.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to enhance the flow of your essay.
task response
Try to elaborate more on each point in the body paragraphs to ensure comprehensive coverage.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to set and summarize the position effectively.
task response
You address both economic and health benefits, which showcases a well-rounded understanding of the subject.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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