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Writing Samples
Band 5

Question: If a person is found to be under the influence of drugs or alcohol while driving, they should be banned from driving for life, whether they were involved in an accident or not. Ak To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #influence #drugs #alcohol #life #accident #ak
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If a human being has taken any chemical or natural substances that affected their physiology negatively meanwhile they drive a car. Under no circumstances should they be permanently disqualified from holding a driver's license.I totally agree with
this
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 statement because a lifetime ban for individuals under the
influence
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 of drugs or alcohol ensures public safety by removing
high risk
Add a hyphen
high-risk
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drivers
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 from the roads and it helps to prevent
such
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offenses
Change the spelling
offences
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 in
county
Correct article usage
the county
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. Someone who has been under
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influence
Correct article usage
the influence
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 of narcotics
irresponsible
Add a missing verb
is irresponsible
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 for their own and other inhabitants’ lives and that type of
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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 can not have
Correct article usage
the rights
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rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to drive a vehicle in
streets
Correct article usage
the streets
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. When others observe that severe consequences are enforced, they may think twice before risking the lives of others by driving under the
influence
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.
This
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 approach can be particularly effective in reducing repeat
offenses
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offences
show examples
, as individuals who have lost their driving privileges permanently will not have the opportunity to put others at risk again.
On the contrary
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, some might argue that a lifetime ban is too harsh, especially for first-time offenders.
However
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, given the high stakes involved in road safety, prioritizing public welfare over individual convenience seems justified. After all, the potential harm caused by intoxicated
drivers
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 is not only limited to themselves but
also
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 extends to innocent people who share the road. In conclusion, I strongly agree that
drivers
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 caught under the
influence
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 of drugs or alcohol should face a lifetime driving ban.
Such
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 a measure not only promotes public safety by removing high-risk
drivers
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 but
also
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 serves as a powerful deterrent, ultimately contributing to safer roads for everyone.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument. For instance, citing statistics or studies that highlight the dangers of intoxicated driving would add depth to your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more balanced discussions by considering the counterarguments more extensively. While you addressed opposing views, elaborating on them more could make your position stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and concise introduction that states your position unambiguously. Your introductory sentence was slightly unclear regarding whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively argue how banning intoxicated drivers can promote public safety and act as a deterrent for others.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are presented logically, and transitions between paragraphs contribute to a smooth flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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