There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that
due to
the high pressure put on pupils, non-academic subjects
should be deleted from the curriculum.This
essay disagrees with that assessment completely because students
are able to develop soft skills through these aforementioned topics as well as
gain general acquaintance.
It is crystal clear that education
should not be limited to literature as well as
scientific subjects
.Indeed, schooling consequently
aims to develop a wide range of aptitudes among students
and not only focus on the so-called "pure-knowledge".Nobody can deny the fact that mathematics and literature are the cornerstones of our modern civilisation, however
, human beings also
need other skills to deal with their daily life, such
as cooking, socializing and practising sports. These lasts
have to be mandatory and taught not only by parentsChange the verb form
last
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
by educational institutions.For instance
, physical education
provides knowledge to practice a daily activity,which features several benefits for our body and our mental health, that many students
wouldn't learn at home.
Putting an interest in those non-academic themes has, by contrast
, an academic target.In fact, numerous first universities consider those subjects
as an important criterion for selecting their students
.In this
regard, many pupils have the same high level and make college applications for a third-level education
, aiming to fulfil their dream
by integrating into a prestigious university. Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
Although
,those non-academic works can set them apart from other rivals when making college applications.For example
, Harvard University takes into account leisure activities,such
as sports, in their process of recruiting new students
.
To conclude
, teaching students
diverse subjects
, even if it is not academic, should be compulsory because it will help them learn more about themselves in addition
to developing soft skills that are useful in achieving their targets in life.Moreover
, it would help them get into third-level education
.Submitted by namoisma on
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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a small expansion to better contextualize the argument. Consider adding one or two sentences to further set up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. While you've presented strong points, make sure they are consistently developed throughout each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors or typos, such as missing spaces (e.g., "Indeed, schooling consequently...") and misplaced commas. These small inaccuracies can distract from the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and argues the points effectively, addressing the prompt requirements well.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow between paragraphs, making it easy to follow the argument. The essay is well-structured overall.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the mention of Harvard University’s selection criteria, effectively support the main arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?