There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that
due to
the high pressure put on pupils, non-academic Linking Words
subjects
should be deleted from the curriculum.Use synonyms
This
essay disagrees with that assessment completely because Linking Words
students
are able to develop soft skills through these aforementioned topics Use synonyms
as well as
gain general acquaintance.
It is crystal clear that Linking Words
education
should not be limited to literature Use synonyms
as well as
scientific Linking Words
subjects
.Indeed, schooling Use synonyms
consequently
aims to develop a wide range of aptitudes among Linking Words
students
and not only focus on the so-called "pure-knowledge".Nobody can deny the fact that mathematics and literature are the cornerstones of our modern civilisation, Use synonyms
however
, human beings Linking Words
also
need other skills to deal with their daily life, Linking Words
such
as cooking, socializing and practising sports. These Linking Words
lasts
have to be mandatory and taught not only by parentsChange the verb form
last
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
by educational institutions.Linking Words
For instance
, physical Linking Words
education
provides knowledge to practice a daily activity,which features several benefits for our body and our mental health, that many Use synonyms
students
wouldn't learn at home.
Putting an interest in those non-academic themes has, Use synonyms
by contrast
, an academic target.In fact, numerous first universities consider those Linking Words
subjects
as an important criterion for selecting their Use synonyms
students
.In Use synonyms
this
regard, many pupils have the same high level and make college applications for a third-level Linking Words
education
, aiming to fulfil their Use synonyms
dream
by integrating into a prestigious university. Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
Although
,those non-academic works can set them apart from other rivals when making college applications.Linking Words
For example
, Harvard University takes into account leisure activities,Linking Words
such
as sports, in their process of recruiting new Linking Words
students
.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, teaching Linking Words
students
diverse Use synonyms
subjects
, even if it is not academic, should be compulsory because it will help them learn more about themselves Use synonyms
in addition
to developing soft skills that are useful in achieving their targets in life.Linking Words
Moreover
, it would help them get into third-level Linking Words
education
.Use synonyms
Submitted by namoisma on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a small expansion to better contextualize the argument. Consider adding one or two sentences to further set up the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. While you've presented strong points, make sure they are consistently developed throughout each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors or typos, such as missing spaces (e.g., "Indeed, schooling consequently...") and misplaced commas. These small inaccuracies can distract from the clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and argues the points effectively, addressing the prompt requirements well.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow between paragraphs, making it easy to follow the argument. The essay is well-structured overall.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the mention of Harvard University’s selection criteria, effectively support the main arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?