There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is argued that

due to

Linking Words

the high pressure put on pupils, non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

should be deleted from the curriculum.

This

Linking Words

essay disagrees with that assessment completely because

students

Use synonyms

are able to develop soft skills through these aforementioned topics

as well as

Linking Words

gain general acquaintance. It is crystal clear that

education

Use synonyms

should not be limited to literature

as well as

Linking Words

scientific

subjects

Use synonyms

.Indeed, schooling

consequently

Linking Words

aims to develop a wide range of aptitudes among

students

Use synonyms

and not only focus on the so-called "pure-knowledge".Nobody can deny the fact that mathematics and literature are the cornerstones of our modern civilisation,

however

Linking Words

, human beings

also

Linking Words

need other skills to deal with their daily life,

such

Linking Words

as cooking, socializing and practising sports. These

lasts

Change the verb form

last

show examples

have to be mandatory and taught not only by parents

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

Linking Words

by educational institutions.

For instance

Linking Words

, physical

education

Use synonyms

provides knowledge to practice a daily activity,which features several benefits for our body and our mental health, that many

students

Use synonyms

wouldn't learn at home. Putting an interest in those non-academic themes has,

by contrast

Linking Words

, an academic target.In fact, numerous first universities consider those

subjects

Use synonyms

as an important criterion for selecting their

students

Use synonyms

.In

this

Linking Words

regard, many pupils have the same high level and make college applications for a third-level

education

Use synonyms

, aiming to fulfil their

dream

Fix the agreement mistake

dreams

show examples

by integrating into a prestigious university.

Although

Linking Words

,those non-academic works can set them apart from other rivals when making college applications.

For example

Linking Words

, Harvard University takes into account leisure activities,

such

Linking Words

as sports, in their process of recruiting new

students

Use synonyms

To conclude

Linking Words

, teaching

students

Use synonyms

diverse

subjects

Use synonyms

, even if it is not academic, should be compulsory because it will help them learn more about themselves

in addition

Linking Words

to developing soft skills that are useful in achieving their targets in life.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it would help them get into third-level

education

Use synonyms

namoismaTue Nov 19 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your introduction is clear but could benefit from a small expansion to better contextualize the argument. Consider adding one or two sentences to further set up the discussion.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea. While you've presented strong points, make sure they are consistently developed throughout each paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors or typos, such as missing spaces (e.g., "Indeed, schooling consequently...") and misplaced commas. These small inaccuracies can distract from the clarity of your arguments.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and argues the points effectively, addressing the prompt requirements well.

coherence cohesion

There is a logical flow between paragraphs, making it easy to follow the argument. The essay is well-structured overall.

task achievement

Relevant examples, such as the mention of Harvard University’s selection criteria, effectively support the main arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

294 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on pp’s lives? To you agree or disagree
Nowadays, people are hunted by ads that will impact what they think is crucial. Moreover, it has more negative sides in their daily lives. In my opinion, i think it's true, also social media companies have an important role in this matter.
7
band
Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to museums, zoo and concerts and sometimes even to other countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of such visits are?
At present, with the improvement of education, a variety of trips have been organized for secondary school students to places such as museums, zoos, concerts, and even foreign countries are becoming more common than in the past. From my standpoint, this could bring plenty of benefits but there are also some drawbacks.
7
band
Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
A proliferation of high-achieving students globally proves that youths are reliant on obtaining outstanding grades. Moreover, adults are also chasing their dreams, pushing themselves to secure holistic jobs. However, can this be an indication of success? Does it mean those achieving less are failures? Therefore, I believe that success is subjective and depends on the curation one depicts about it.
6.5
band
Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. Do you agree or disagree?
There is a compelling case for including art in students' syllabi, with teachers nurturing their artistic interests. It's important to recognize that while some students may excel in traditional subjects, others may shine in arts such as games, music, dance, and painting. I've personally witnessed numerous individuals who have found success in their artistic pursuits, often surpassing their academic achievements. This firsthand experience reinforces my belief in the importance of arts education.
6.5
band
In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.
Obesity is a major concern of humans across the world due to which fitness level of society is at a risk. This essay will discuss the main causes of being overweight including extended working hours and consumption of processed food. This essay will also suggest solutions including maintaining a work-life balance and healthy dietary patterns.

Your opinion

Today, people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on pp’s lives? To you agree or disagree

Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to museums, zoo and concerts and sometimes even to other countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvantages of such visits are?

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Some people say that art is an essential subject and every child should learn it in school. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing, and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.