IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe governments should spend more money on improving roads and highways,while some think money should be spent improving public transportation, such as busses,trains, and subways. Discuss and give your opinion.

#believe #governments #money #roads #highways #think #transportation #busses #trains #subways
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A few think that governments should
be expended
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more financial costs on enhancing
roads
 and
highways
,
while
 some consider money should be disbursed
improvements
Change preposition
for improvements
show examples
 of public transportation like busses,trains and subways. I think it is the best concept for enhancements of transit systems around the cities. The reason for
this
 ,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
though
 there are improved
roads
 and
highways
,
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
 wants to go
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 destinations on foot,in
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 Era people are trying to use urbanized public conveyance.
For example
, the Uzbek Times newspaper announced that the extent of using subways increased significantly by 75%. On the one hand,
progress
Add an article
the progress
show examples
 of
roads
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role for every person. Even
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad weather conditions of days.
Roads
 make uncomfortable positions for citizens in society. On the holes of paths , accumulated
rain water
Correct your spelling
rainwater
show examples
. Maybe it leads to accidents of traffic too.
For instance
, one year ago passengers on
street
Correct article usage
the street
show examples
cross
Wrong verb form
crossed
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 the track by escaping water holes and there happened
car
Correct article usage
a car
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 disaster.
On the other hand
,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
development of commuter services is the best idea because
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the stations there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 congestion and traffic of public
transits
Fix the agreement mistake
transit
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not efficient for them.So I think that advancements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 passenger transport
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 more advantages rather than amendments
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 useless terraces. In my point of view,
betterment
Correct article usage
the betterment
show examples
 of
roads
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role for passengers
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are going to work or school.
However
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals are using public conveyance with
tolerable
Correct article usage
a tolerable
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 passion for long time walk. In conclusion, the betterment of mass transit has more demand to utilize especially in rush hours in the mornings and evenings for people.
Evolution
Correct article usage
The evolution
show examples
 of
highways
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 needed for walkers but more and more numbers of human beings are utilizing subways , trains,and busses as well. The positive sides of urban transit are more than
highways
 of refinement.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a general response to the task but could benefit from more detailed explanations and clearer positions in the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph is connected with clear linking phrases, providing a logical flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
Try to support your main points with more specific examples, rather than general statements.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task achievement
The essay shows awareness of both sides of the argument, providing a fair discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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