Some people say that government should not put money on building theatres and sport stadium. They should spend more money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree ?
Nowadays, the
government
receives a large amount of money
by
Change preposition
from
people
taxes. Change noun form
people's
This
money
is usually invested to
various purposes, Change preposition
for
for
example
to improve buildings and streets or for medical care and Add the comma(s)
example,
education
. Regarding that, there is a big debate because some people prefer that government
Correct article usage
the government
invests
more Correct subject-verb agreement
invest
money
on
Change preposition
in
education
and medical services
than buildings.
In my opinion, there are many factors to consider. The medical
care has to be considered as the most important thing to improve. I think that because you can live a normal life only if you are healthy and you don't have any type of illness. To prevent every type of illness, it is necessary to have in your city many medical buildings, like public and private hospitals.
Correct article usage
Medical
However
, it is also
fundamental to consider the
Correct article usage
apply
education
as one of the most important services
in our lives. For me, the government
should be improve
the quality of the didactic books and teachers to guarantee Change the verb form
improve
an
high level of Change the article
a
education
, especially in our country. I have this
opinion because I believe that our country pretty underrates
the Correct quantifier usage
much underrates
education
system, comparing
to countries like Germany and England, Wrong verb form
compared
for example
.
Talking about the money
invested on
building Change preposition
in
theaters
and Change the spelling
theatres
sport stadium
, I have to Fix the agreement mistake
sports stadiums
do
an important consideration. In my opinion, they are unnecessary Verb problem
make
services
and you can quietly live without them. I recognize that they are services
which bring a lot of money
to the government
, but they are surely not a primary asset in our lives.
Having said that, I totally agree with people who prefer that government
spend more money
on medical care and education
, even though I recognize that services
like theaters
and Change the spelling
theatres
sport
stadium represent an important source of income for the Change the noun form
sports
government
.Submitted by mattiahsbubich on
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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that your argument remains focused and directly answers the essay question. Addressing a counterargument could strengthen your argument as well.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesion by using more connective phrases and conjunctions to link sentences and paragraphs smoothly, guiding the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence by structuring your essay more clearly: start with a thesis statement in your introduction, follow with organized paragraphs supporting each point, and conclude by summarizing your arguments and restating your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for your argument.
task achievement
You addressed both the need for investment in medical care and education, as well as mentioning the benefits of theatres and sports stadiums.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.