IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#percentage #households #kinds #technology #information #features #comparisons
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The given line graph illustrates the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
a proportion
show examples
 of different appliances owned by U.S. families from 1995 to 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, the washing machine was the most favoured appliance in these 5 years. By 1995, about 60% of
households
Use synonyms
 had washing machines, and the computer followed
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
 level, with 40% of
households
Use synonyms
 enjoying
this
Linking Words
 technology.
Additionally
Linking Words
, fewer than 30% of
households
Use synonyms
 had DVD players.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the ownership of the Internet connection and the phone was much less, together representing approximately one in
thrid
Correct your spelling
third
show examples
 of all
households
Use synonyms
. During the 5 years, the statistics
commaned
Correct your spelling
commanded
command
contained
 a significant change, and the number of appliances in
households
Use synonyms
 indicated an upward trend.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer ownership experienced an evident rise,
peaked
Wrong verb form
peaking
show examples
 at 70% in 1999. On top of that,
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more families had phones, especially after 1996, it showed a dramatic increase, rising by over 50%, demonstrating the highest
groth
Correct your spelling
growth
 rate. It is notable that the percentage
DVD
Change preposition
of DVD
show examples
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 showed a slight decrease, hitting the lowest level at 15%, but
also
Linking Words
 underwent a rise, with 40% of
households
Use synonyms
 having it by 1999. The level of Internet access
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 increased by 40% since 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
, the given graph shows how those technologies were favoured by people over the years.
Submitted by yuanweiw16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words households with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Households
  • Technology adoption
  • Growth rate
  • Decline rate
  • Milestones
  • Obsolete
  • Societal factors
  • Economic conditions
  • Advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Market saturation
  • Trend analysis
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