IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays,a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatmens instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

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In recent years, a significant number of people are using
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines and
treatments
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 over checking in with an educated doctor.
This
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 trend may bring some positive development;
however
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, it is insignificant compared to the negative sides.
That is
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 why, I strongly believe that
this
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 is a negative cause. One major negative aspect is that
alternative
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 medicines and
treatments
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 are not often backed up by scientific proof. Many of these pills are based on ancient practices,
therefore
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 they do not guarantee effectiveness and can cause problems. Patients who choose these kinds of
treatments
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 risk their
health
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 and well-being by avoiding those who know what they are doing in
health
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 care.
For example
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, those people who have a serious
health
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 issue
such
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 as cancer may significantly endanger their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 by ignoring tested and beneficial
treatments
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.
Moreover
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, the use of these
alternative
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 medicaments can cause
delay
Correct subject-verb agreement
delays
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 in receiving proper medical care. In some cases, ill people prefer to use
alternative
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 options
instead
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 of the necessary
health
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treatmnets
Correct your spelling
treatments
treatment
, which can result in the progression of their illness. An example of the negative impact of trusting these other medications is Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer was diagnosed with
rare
Correct article usage
a rare
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 sickness called tuberculosis. She
initially
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 chose to cure herself with
alternative
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 medicine because she believed that hospitals were untrustworthy.
Moreover
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, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time passed her condition had gotten
more
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apply
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worse;
however
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, by the time she
finally
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 decided to seek help, it was, unfortunately, already too late. In conclusion,
while
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 the idea of using
alternative
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treatments
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 become more popular and may seem appealing, it is ultimately a negative development.
That is
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 why we need to be aware of the many dark sides of
this
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 and educate the public about the importance of proper medical care.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph fully supports the main argument of the essay. You can improve this by linking back to the main point at the end of each paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more direct examples or evidence that are absolutely aligned with the topic discussed. This will strengthen the task response score.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your ideas with broader explanations and clear connections between them. This will enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly presents an introduction and a conclusion, smoothly transitioning from introducing the topic to summarizing the view, which enhances logical flow and readability.
task achievement
The main argument is effectively articulated in the introduction and followed through in the body of the essay, illustrating a strong task response.
task achievement
The use of an example, such as the story of Jennifer Lawrence, effectively shows the potential dangers of relying solely on alternative treatments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • sustainable health solutions
  • accessibility
  • cost-effectiveness
  • scientific validation
  • regulation
  • natural remedies
  • lifestyle changes
  • complement conventional treatments
  • unverified alternative methods
  • cultural importance
  • traditional treatments
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