Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion ?

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It is often argued that some individuals believe it would be more effective for our

Use synonyms

environments

Fix the agreement mistake

environment

show examples

and economy if individuals only

have

Wrong verb form

had

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nearly

Correct your spelling

nearby

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located

Replace the word

locations

show examples

Linking Words

while

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Use synonyms

food

Correct article usage

the food

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transportation system spends a lot of time from farm to people to consume. From my perspective, the drawbacks of the issue are greater than the benefits since

this

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phenomenon makes our daily routines deteriorate.

To begin

Linking Words

with, I accept that farming

areas

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can preserved and

prevented

Wrong verb form

prevent

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from

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apply

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air pollution

whereas

Linking Words

almost all factories tend to be overcrowded in cities or suburbs.

Firstly

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, ruined

areas

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can keep the environment clean and it is heavily not detrimental.

As a result

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, consumers can buy fresh

food

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because they are eco-friendly harvested.

For instance

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, in the USA, the government enacted a law that farmers can receive budgets if they cultivate grain with eco-friendly methods.

As a consequence

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, farmers followed

this

Linking Words

enactment and it resulted in positive effects on both agricultural workers and consumers.

Moreover

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environments

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can be kept clean and purified since there are no facilities that make

environments

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contaminated.

Hence

Linking Words

Use synonyms

food

Add an article

the food

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chain will not be damaged and we can teach children

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

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various animals in order to develop their cognitive abilities.

On the other hand

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, I am convinced that

this

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argument could make people tired and terrible. First of all, it will be

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apply

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far

challenging

Correct quantifier usage

more challenging

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for urban residents to purchase

food

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and consume

because

Correct pronoun usage

it because

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farmland is

further

Linking Words

located

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apply

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from cities. In

this

Linking Words

regard, an amount of

budgets

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budget

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will be needed to transport it and it leads to an increase in

cost

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the cost

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of living.

For example

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, in Korea, almost all

food

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are

Correct subject-verb agreement

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being transported from other countries and ruined

areas

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that

Linking Words

Change the verb form

are

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not close

from

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show examples

urban

areas

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As a result

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, compared with other countries, the cost of

food

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tends to be heavily expensive.

Secondly

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, the cost

for

Change preposition

show examples

transportation

Correct article usage

the transportation

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system is

also

Linking Words

expensive. If

this

Linking Words

phenomenon continuously continues, a number of lorry drivers will be required and it results in making pollutant air because a number of vehicles including lorries emit a huge amount of greenhouse gas. In conclusion, the drawbacks that brings to both people and

environments

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should not be underestimated.

Rndlrdl Wed Nov 20 2024

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task response

You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, and your essay addresses both sides of the issue, but make sure your arguments are more clearly aligned with the essay prompt which is about hard work and determination vs. other factors like money and appearance. Your response seems to veer off the topic.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, although sometimes the linkage between ideas could be improved. Use more cohesive devices to ensure your ideas flow logically from one to the next.

task response

Some examples in your essay don't directly relate to the topic given. Ensure examples are specifically relevant and support the argument regarding factors of success.

coherence and cohesion

You have structured your essay well with clear paragraphs, introduction, and conclusion.

task achievement

Your dedication to providing real-world examples, like those from the USA or Korea, is commendable as it enriches the essay's argument.

task achievement

You consider both advantages and disadvantages, which adds depth to your analysis.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

355 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

perseverance
discipline
resilience
effort
tenacity
external factors
financial resources
favorable appearance
perceptions
advantages
intrinsic
extrinsic
sustainable
facilitating
undeniable

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion ?

Describe an item of technology that you own which is very important to you. You should say: where you got it from how long you have had it what you use it for and explain why it is important to you.

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A noticeable lack of students opting for science subjects at universities is observed in various countries. What are the reasons and what are the effects on society?