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Writing Samples
Band 6

These days, people work in more than one job , and often change career several times during their life. What are the advantages and diadvantages of this ?

#people #work #job #change #career #times #life #diadvantages
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It is true that we are no longer working for only
one
Use synonyms
 company.
Instead
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, we change it many times or we have multiple careers at the same time. I think there are three advantages of working in more than
one
Use synonyms
 job.
First,
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you can make more money, especially in the early stage of your career. When you've been working in
one
Use synonyms
 job, you might be getting a higher salary than others.
However
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, if you just started working, it won't be possible to make as much as people who've been doing
for
Correct pronoun usage
it for
show examples
 a long period.
Secondly
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, when they have many talents, I think it is normal to make another income from those.
For example
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, they can play an instrument or they can draw and sell paintings.
Also
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, people with multiple jobs won't get bored. We can often see workers who get tired of their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 only a couple of years later. Having 2 or 3 jobs may help how people feel about their work as well.
On the other hand
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, I see only
one
Use synonyms
 disadvantage of
this
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. Those who work in many places will be less professional than those who are not. Of course, they need to spend more time to be as good as the latter group.
For instance
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, if someone has been working full-time in marketing for
one
Use synonyms
 year, their ability would be equal to ones who's been
doing
Verb problem
working
show examples
 part-time in the same field for a few years.
Therefore
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, I guess if you want to become the greatest worker, having different career paths won't be a good idea. In conclusion, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 there are more benefits than drawbacks.
However
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, it all depends on what you pursue in your career
such
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 as money, diverse opportunities or being professional.
Submitted by dob.jeong on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide a more balanced view with equal emphasis on both advantages and disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph develops a single main idea and is clearly connected to the thesis statement.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate points, particularly for the disadvantages.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on refining sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and coherence.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
Task Achievement
You provided several potential advantages of having multiple jobs which are well explained.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay attempts to structure ideas logically, moving from advantages to disadvantages.
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