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Band 4.5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding the changes. Others, however think that changes is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#people #lives #changes
There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 different arguments about how to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 your lifetime , either to choose a fixed routine or full of new experiences
life
 , I would support the second
choise
Correct your spelling
choice
 because
life
 is short do what you love and live every day as
a new days
Correct the article-noun agreement
a new day
new days
show examples
 but
definitly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 keep your self safe from dangers . People who recommend
to spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
your
life
 doing one action , will stay on the safe
sideand
Correct your spelling
side and
 will always kept
awaly
Correct your spelling
away
 from risks , stick to one matter and focus on how to improve it ,
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 manner they will
garuntee
Correct your spelling
guarantee
 secure incomes ,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 the main disadvantage of
this
decisson
Correct your spelling
decision
 is they may face boring after a
while
 they will not continuing giving the same level of efforts , but as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mentioned surely there
futur
Correct your spelling
future
 is clear ,
for instance
 , having a daily job could give you a chance for promotion or
berhabs
Correct your spelling
perhaps
 to be a partner .
On the other hand
 people
whos
Correct your spelling
who
show examples
welling
Correct your spelling
willing
show examples
 to try new
challengs
Correct your spelling
challenges
 every day , like
travling
Correct your spelling
travelling
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 new destinations if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not like there job they will quit and start searching for
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 job that
met
Wrong verb form
meets
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
expection
Correct your spelling
expectations
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 leads to
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 new skills , improve
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 social
life
 through meeting new personalities every time , No douts
this
 live needs a brave heart
due to
 unexpected jeopardies you may face .
Life
 is full of joy , live safe but mix it with pleasure every
while
 , our souls need to be refreshed and
pushing
Wrong verb form
push
show examples
 away any negative energy .
Submitted by ghada_alj on

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coherence cohesion
Consider breaking down long and complex sentences into smaller, clearer ones to improve readability.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammar errors, which can occasionally distract from your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support each point in both views and your opinion, which will strengthen your task response.
task achievement
You have clearly expressed two different perspectives in the discussion.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction, a discussion of both views, and a conclusion with your opinion, which demonstrates a balanced structure.
task achievement
Your essay shows an understanding that both stability and change have advantages and disadvantages, reflecting a nuanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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