Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opnion
#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decisions #opnion
There are
people
who are agree
that Change the verb form
agree
children
can use their voices to decide which food that
they can consume, Correct pronoun usage
apply
clothes
to wear, and many more. They think it is good for Correct pronoun usage
what clothes
children
development because they can make their own Change noun form
children's
decision
that might affect them in the future. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
On the other hand
, some people
do not agree with this
because it makes children
become selfish. I will elaborate both views in this
essay and conclusion
will be made in the end.
To start with, Correct article usage
a conclusion
children
who make decision
based on Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
choices
they have,
may think of negative and positive impacts that will happen to them. Before Remove the comma
apply
decided
which Wrong verb form
deciding
choices
that
they choose, they will think Correct word choice
apply
all
of the possibilities that will come if they choose the Change preposition
about all
choices
. Furthermore
, it will makes
Change the verb form
make
children
more critical and wise when they are growing up as adults. To illustrate, when I was a kid, I have
Wrong verb form
had
a
freedom to Correct article usage
the
chose
which school Wrong verb form
choose
that
I Correct pronoun usage
apply
want
to Wrong verb form
wanted
attended
because I knew which school that more suitable Wrong verb form
attend
to
me.
On the flip side, Change preposition
for
children
tend to grow as a
someone who never thinks of others. Since they were child, they can decide what they like or not to do. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, this
thing happen
Change the verb form
happens
continuosuly
until they get Correct your spelling
continuously
work
. Fix the infinitive
to work
In other words
, they only pick something that they like without thinking of other people
. For instance
, my nephew always get
good Wrong verb form
got
treatments
from his parents until he got fired from his job because he only Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
wants
get Add the particle
wants to
job
desc he Correct article usage
a job
likes
.
To summarise, Wrong verb form
liked
people
are arguing is
it good to allow Correct word choice
whether is
children
to decide some
options or not. After discussing both views, I am more agree with Change preposition
on some
first
statement because Change the article
the first
children
must know the consequences of their choices
. Not only that, but also
children
become wiser and thoughtful.Submitted by wishmeluck on
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task achievement
Strengthen the essay by providing more specific examples and evidence to support each point of view mentioned. This will enhance the reader's understanding and engagement.
task achievement
In some parts, the argument could benefit from more clarity and elaboration to make the ideas more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Transition words and phrases can help establish this flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, the introduction could be more engaging to better prepare the reader for the essay's discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents both views of the topic, discussing the perspectives of allowing children to make their own choices versus shaping them to be considerate of others.
task achievement
The student provides personal examples, such as choosing schools and a nephew's work experiences, which add a personal touch and illustrate the points being made.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, summarizing and wrapping up the discussion effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.