IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.
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The diagrams depict a table and a pie chart illustrating the Britain
police
Use synonyms
 revenue and
Use synonyms
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 in 2017 and 2018. The table showing where the income
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 from has 3 categories, national
government
Use synonyms
, local tax, and
other source
Change the wording
another source
other sources
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the pie chart indicating where the
police
Use synonyms
 spend
for
Change preposition
apply
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has 3 categories, salaries, technology, and buildings and transport.
Overall
Linking Words
, the biggest revenue came from
national
Add an article
the national
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government
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the largest
expense
Use synonyms
 was salaries for officers and staff. About the income of
this
Linking Words
 institution, the quantity of
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 was in the number one position with over 170
million
Use synonyms
 pounds in 2017 and 2018.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
poicle
Correct your spelling
police
price
pole
 could not gain a profit much from other sources in both years with about 38
million
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Local taxes
was
Change the verb form
were
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 moderate with about 90
million
Use synonyms
 and
100million
Correct your spelling
100 million
. As for the Britain
police
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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, salaries had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge ratio in the total spending with around 70% in two years.
additionally
Linking Words
, the minimum
expense
Use synonyms
 was technology with under 15%. Buildings and transport were in second position with exactly 17％.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the
police
Use synonyms
 institution earns the budget from
national
Correct article usage
the national
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government
Use synonyms
 mainly,
however
Linking Words
, they spend their budgets
for
Change preposition
on
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wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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 mostly.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words police, expense, government, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget allocation
  • funding sources
  • government policies
  • economic conditions
  • community services
  • crime prevention
  • public safety
  • significant increase/decrease
  • distribution
  • assessment
  • reflection
  • allocation shifts
  • budget comparison
  • impact analysis
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