In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges, and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone. To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?
#countries #people #privileges #responsibilities #age #sixteen #parents #responsibility #care #children #approach #milestone #lives
Many
people
try to involve their children
to
Change preposition
in
work
when they grow up. At the age
of sixteen, some of the children
start to do tasks or responsibilities
to help their family
. Some families think that Fix the agreement mistake
families
children
should not be involved to
Change preposition
in
work
. However
, some of them think that responsibilities
must be learned at young
Add an article
a young
age
.
In
Change preposition
On
one
hand, learning to do tasks and Correct article usage
the one
responsibilities
at young
Add an article
a young
age
has benefits to
the Change preposition
for
person
when they will
grow up. To elaborate, the Verb problem
apply
person
who learned to do things when he/she was at young
Add an article
a young
age
has better success in work
life. Namely, parents should give information about taking responsibilities
. In Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
spite
that
helps the Change preposition
of that
person
future life. Change noun form
person's
Moreover
, children
that
had siblings when they grew up, Correct pronoun usage
who
has
better preparation Change the verb form
have
to
adulthood. In Change preposition
for
spite
of they
Correct pronoun usage
their
had
to help them Wrong verb form
having
of
doing something.
Change preposition
by
On the other hand
, grown-ups think that teams should not be involved to
doing Change preposition
in
task
or Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
job
if they are forced to do the Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
work
. Besides
, teenagers that started
to Wrong verb form
start
work
in mechanical jobs sometimes they are forced to do the thing that they don't want. In spite
of this
, some people
has
Change the verb form
have
trauma
of working. Add an article
the trauma
a trauma
Additionally
, in recent years job accidents have been
increased in Unnecessary verb
apply
spite
of workers that
didn't Correct pronoun usage
who
had
enough knowledge Change the verb form
have
on
Change preposition
of
work
.
In conclusion, some groups of people
think that achieving knowledge of something in
Change preposition
at
younger
Correct article usage
a younger
age
has benefits to
the Change preposition
for
person
. However
, some of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
think that it is harmful to children
to work
. Although
, my view is that accomplishing knowledge Correct word choice
However
is
always Unnecessary verb
apply
affect
the Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
person
in positive
way.Change the article
a positive
Submitted by mcqueensever
on
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coherence cohesion
In your essay, focus on structuring your paragraphs. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea with supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. This will help improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure each point you make is clearly supported by examples or details. Adding more detailed examples will strengthen your argument.
language accuracy
Be careful with word choice and phrases. For example, 'teams' seems to be a misuse of the word, and phrases like 'in spite that helps' should be corrected for grammar clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing your essay effectively.
task achievement
You addressed the question by discussing both the benefits and the drawbacks, indicating a complete response.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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