IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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In
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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 Modern society ,
music
Use synonyms
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
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 a integral part of life
to
Change preposition
for
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people
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,
Due to
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the avaibilty
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avaibilty
Correct your spelling
availability
 of
music
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 at
global
Correct article usage
a global
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 level through
Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 it brings
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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 and ages together,
it
Correct word choice
and it
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 become
on
Correct your spelling
one
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 of the best the best way to
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 bonds among
people
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 who are from various cultures. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement . Without a doubt, In
this
Linking Words
fast phase
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
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 and hectic world
people
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fond
Add a missing verb
are fond
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 of
music
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 to get some relief from their stress of work or studies and
obvious
Change the word
obviously
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 easily avail of
music
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 from various countries
by
Change preposition
with
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 just one click on
phone
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
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 is why
people
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 are getting connected by
music
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 at the level of global. Even though they are not aware of
lyrics
Correct article usage
the lyrics
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due to
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 the
langugae
Correct your spelling
language
 barriers, the tone of the
music
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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attracts them to fall in love with that
music
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, exploring more and more social media
such
Linking Words
 as
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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,
Instagram
Correct word choice
and Instagram
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, these platforms become a way
that
Correct word choice
for
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people
Use synonyms
 are
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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together
attach
Verb problem
apply
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by reading and writing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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comments to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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strangers .
Music
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 has the potential
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can bring
people
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 together from different ages, some times it
just
Add a missing verb
is just
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 the lyrics that match with different
people
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 at different
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
age
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 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , recently there was a concert of famous superstar Taylor
swift
Capitalize word
Swift
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 at the Rogers
center
Capitalize word
Center
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,
people
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 from every
age
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 group were
their
Replace the word
there
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 to attend the concert of that
muscian
Correct your spelling
musician
.
This
Linking Words
mean
Change the verb form
means
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people
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 from various
age
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group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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are getting together in
form
Correct article usage
the form
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 of
music
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 .
To
Change preposition
In
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 conclusion,
although
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 from different countries and cultures has
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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, still it is the power of
music
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 tone which connects
people
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 from various cultures and
also
Linking Words
 having
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
multiple choices to play
music
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also
Linking Words
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
another reason that every
age
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 fond of listening to them.
Submitted by amarbatth367 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Use paragraphs effectively to separate your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction to clearly state your position. Summarize your main points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the main points with more detailed explanations or arguments to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Ensure all parts of the task are addressed more directly. Explain why music brings people together more clearly.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas with more comprehensive arguments and clear language. Avoid vague expressions.
task achievement
You have chosen relevant and contemporary examples, such as Taylor Swift's concert, to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay reflects an understanding that music transcends language and cultural barriers, which is a strong point of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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