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Band 5.5

The table below shows the percentage of men and women employed in four different types of industries in one twon in 1990, 2000, and 2010.

The table below shows the percentage of men and women employed in four different types of industries in one twon in 1990, 2000, and 2010.
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The table compares the
Men
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 and
Women
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 in terms of employment in four categories called : manufacturing,
health
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, retail shops and
tourism
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 in 3 particular years.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 in
Women
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 the highest level was
tourism
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,in
Men
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 it was manufacturing.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in 1990
Men
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 were at 13% in retail shops,
however
Linking Words
,
Women
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 were at 7%.
Health
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 in
Men
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 was at 7%
while
Linking Words
 in
Women
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 at 9%.When
Women
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’s manufacture was just at 7%,in
Men
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’s
this
Linking Words
 index was a record high percentage at 30%,at 10% less was in
Women
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.The
last
Linking Words
 type of employment was
tourism
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 in
Men
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’s it was 13%, 10% more was in
Women
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.In 2000 and 2010 the retail stores didn’t change and it was at 13%,in
Women
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 it was
similarat
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similar
similar at
 8and 9%.The
health
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 in 2000 was the same as in 1990,
however
Linking Words
, in 2010, it grew a little to 9%.Whenever in 2000 Manufacture was more than
Tourism
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 at 15 and 10%,in 2010 they were equal 10% each.In
Women
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 between 2000 and 2010, the figure for
Health
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 was 11 and 15%.The average figure was Manufacture in
2000’s
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2000s
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at 8%,
whereas
Linking Words
 in 2010 it dropped to 3%.The
last
Linking Words
 index was
Tourism
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 between 2000 and 2010 there are some differences, at 25 to 27%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, last, while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, health, tourism with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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