May people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life , whereas others prefer to c h a n g e the type of work. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.

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In
this
Linking Words
fast-paced life, many of them
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
Use synonyms
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
in the same
companey
Correct your spelling
company
for their whole life,
however
Linking Words
, few of them
likes
Replace the word
like
show examples
to
work
Use synonyms
in a various
companey
Correct your spelling
company
companies
in order to enhance their experties and gain more experience in one field. If pondered, I personally agree with the latter opinion. My view is justified in
further
Linking Words
paragraphs. On the one hand, there are a plethora of consequences why folks
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
to spend their whole life in the same
Use synonyms
work-place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they are feeling more comfortable.
In other words
Linking Words
, working with the same company for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
longer period of time, employers are feeling more comfortable as they have colleagues with whom they can talk and spend their leisure time
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
which can help to ameliorate their mood.
Secondly
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,
staying
Change preposition
by staying
show examples
in the same workplace, they can get senior
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
or
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
and health benefits.
For instance
Linking Words
, because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation, everything is getting expensive, so, everyone needs more money to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
their basic needs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some of the people are
counter argue
Add a hyphen
counter-argue
show examples
that changing
work
Use synonyms
after some time is fruitful. To add to
this
Linking Words
, experiencing different
work
Use synonyms
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
only helpful for
boost
Wrong verb form
boosting
show examples
one's confidence but
also
Linking Words
beneficial for
foster
Wrong verb form
fostering
show examples
their knowledge.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
employeer
Correct your spelling
employer
employees
can get a chance to meet
Correct article usage
the paramout
show examples
paramout
Correct your spelling
paramount
paramour
of different workers with different skills. Because of that, they can get
motivation
Add an article
the motivation
show examples
to learn more to look better
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
of everyone.
To conclude
Linking Words
, indeed,
Although
Linking Words
, with changing
work
Use synonyms
they can get more opportunity in terms of knowledge, they still choose to
work
Use synonyms
in the same place till they
retired
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that experiencing
work
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
different places
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
more advantageous.
Submitted by Darshita@8612 on

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Grammar
Work on improving grammatical accuracy and correct simple errors like subject-verb agreement ('many of them like' instead of 'many of them likes') and spelling mistakes ('company', 'expertise').
Task Achievement
Strengthen your task achievement by providing more detailed explanations for both sides of the argument and supporting them with examples. This will help to demonstrate clear, comprehensive ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Smooth transitions between ideas can be improved to enhance the logical structure of your essay. Consider using more linking words and phrases.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your argument well.
Task Achievement
You have successfully attempted to present both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirements.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers relevant points regarding why some people prefer staying in the same job, and why others prefer change, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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