IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

NOWADAYS, MORE PEOPLE ARE CHOOSING TO SOCIALIZE ONLINE RATHER THAN FACE TO FACE. IS THIS A POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT?

#people #face #development
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Today,
people
Use synonyms
 all over the world have a chance to meet new friends on online platforms
such
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 as
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
,
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
 and
due to
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it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, most of them are chosen more to meet
people
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 virtually than in real life.
However
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,
this
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 new way of meeting
people
Use synonyms
 is influencing them negatively for several reasons that will be discussed in
this
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 essay. Socializing online to make new friends has become a threat
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 development
due to
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 the fact of losing social skills and meeting dangerous
people
Use synonyms
 who have a fake profile.First of all, losing social skills, which enable the human species to cooperate in order to survive, is seriously alarming. To give an example, the young population who choose to socialize online are not anymore able to meet
people
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 in person, because they are not used to coping with
this
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 situation.
In other words
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, they have become anxious
people
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 and are too shy to face others. Losing
this
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 skill by using online platforms will decrease the capacity
of relating
Change preposition
to relate
show examples
 to each other and
also
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 to survive as a cooperative group of
people
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. Another reason for
this
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 negative phenomenon is the risk of meeting fake
people
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 online who put the person in an endangered situation.
For instance
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, the media
such
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 as television, has been talking about some
people
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 who died because they met a person in an online app and trusted without even knowing that they were in danger.
To conclude
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, these negative factors, the loss of social skills and the threat of meeting dangerous
people
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, are going against the progression of the species and stopping
consequently
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 the development of human beings.
Submitted by chiaracavallo02 on

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Task Response
The essay does well in addressing the task, clearly stating that the tendency to socialize online has negative impacts and providing reasons. However, it could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of both positive and negative aspects of online socializing to present a balanced view, unless the task specifically asks to choose one perspective.
Task Response
Try to provide specific examples for both the loss of social skills and the dangers of meeting people online to strengthen your argument. This will make your points more convincing and comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, the paragraphs could be more tightly connected, and transitions between ideas should be more evident to enhance coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Enhance coherence by using more linking words or phrases, such as 'moreover', 'furthermore', or 'on the other hand', to clearly signal the relationship between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Response
The introduction effectively sets up the discussion by posing the topic as a negative phenomenon and outlining the areas to be discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The conclusion successfully summarizes the negative impacts discussed in the essay, reinforcing the main thesis.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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