IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Various Career and Academic Choices Taken by High School Graduates in Lakeside Country in 2010 and 2020 Write at least 150 words.

#career #choices #school #graduates #lakeside #country
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The graphs depict the choices of high school graduates in Lakeside Country regarding various activities after graduation in 2010 and 2020.
Overall
, preferences
between
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in
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 2010 differed from those in 2020,
although
 the option of continuing studies
consistenly
Correct your spelling
consistently
 recorded the highest percentage in both charts. Going to college comprised the majority of the graduates’ preference in 2010, making up 55% of the total. Teenagers who decided to work in 2010 accounted for 24%, trailed by freelance and informal sectors at 11%.
On the other hand
, there was no gap between those starting a business and those still unsure
for
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about
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 their future, both reaching the lowest number at 5%.
Similarly
, in 2020 university was the most popular choice among alumni (38%). Despite owning a business in 2010 had slightly popularity, it climbed and reached the second greatest proportion after ten years in 2020. Freelance
enthusiast
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enthusiasts
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 increased by 2% to become 13% in 2020, followed by office work as a future decision at 3% lower.
In contrast
, 15% of adolescents were confused about their decision, which upsurged by 10% from 2010.
Submitted by nineband9s on

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task response
The essay clearly responds to the task by mentioning specific percentages and changes over the years. However, it could benefit from a clearer conclusion that summarizes the main points and trends observed.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, try to use more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly. The essay's flow is good, but some transitions could be smoother.
task response
The essay provides a well-rounded analysis of the data, noting specific percentages and changes over time, which strengthens the task response.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure with a clear separation of information for 2010 and 2020, aiding in reader understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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