The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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It is argued that
primery
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primary
schools should reduce courses
of
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in
show examples
music and art in order to increase science
subjects
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such
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as math and computer science.
While
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teaching scientific
subjects
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has a significant
influance
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influence
for
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on
show examples
the
future
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, I believe that arts and music are
importent
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important
as
mach
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much
as other
subjects
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.  There are many benefits of learning scientific
subjects
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like math, computer science, and
physices
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physics
,
such
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as building the
future
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, providing the country with a stable economy and creating a strong
genaration
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generation
.
Firstly
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, building the
future
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is one of the missions
that is
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required to ensure sustainability. Since it is one of the aspects of all
future
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plans.
Secondly
Linking Words
, providing the country with a stable economy.
Submitted by layan992015 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction. This will help set a clearer direction for your essay.
task achievement
Be sure to expand more on each idea. For example, how exactly do scientific subjects contribute to a stable economy? Providing specific examples could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the essay has a clear conclusion to summarize your points and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your paragraphs and ideas. Using linking words and phrases can help with this.
introduction conclusion present
The essay starts with a clear statement of the topic and shows the writer's perspective, which is an excellent beginning.
supported main points
You have highlighted relevant benefits of scientific subjects such as math and science.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • cognitive abilities
  • cultural education
  • globally connected world
  • problem-solving skills
  • critical thinking
  • well-rounded education
  • self-expression
  • mental health impacts
  • digital art
  • music production
  • technology-driven careers
  • academic performance
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional development
  • creative subjects
  • enrich creativity
  • foster a sense of achievement
  • stress relief
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