In most countries, the crime rate is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why you do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate?
THE
CRIME
RATE IS INCREASING GLOBALLY, ESPECIALLY IN METROPOLIS
RATHER THAN RURAL Correct your spelling
METROPOLISES
AREAS
. THERE ARE
Change the verb form
IS
NUMBER
OF FACTORS THAT LEAD TO Correct article usage
A NUMBER
THIS
PROBLEM, ALSO
SOME REMEDIES ARE AVAILABLE TO TACKLE THEM.
ONE MAJOR FACTOR IS IMMIGRATION. DUE TO
ILLEGAL RESIDENTS AND NUMBER
OF Correct article usage
THE NUMBER
IMMIGRANTS
CRIME
RATE IS GETTING HIGHER. A VAST MAJORITY OF CRIMINALS ARE IMMIGRANTS
, THEY DO ANY
ILLEGAL BEHAVIOUR, SO Correct quantifier usage
apply
DUE TO
AVOID FROM PENALTIES THEY TRAVEL TO OVERSEAS, AND CONTINUE CHOOSING WRONG
PATH. ANOTHER REASON WOULD BE, Correct article usage
THE WRONG
HIGH
STANDARD OF LIVİNG. PRICES OF URBAN Correct article usage
THE HIGH
AREAS
EXCESS RURAL AREAS
, INCLUDING EDUCATION, HEALTHCARE AND TRANSPORT SYSTEM
. INDIVIDUALS WHO LIVE IN URBAN LIFE GET HIGH CALARY Fix the agreement mistake
SYSTEMS
COMPARING
TO Wrong verb form
COMPARED
RURAL
LIFE, Correct determiner usage
THOSE RURAL
THUS
CRIME
MOTIVE THIS
IS AND FORCES PEOPLE DOING
ILLEGAL BEHAVIOURS. Verb problem
TO ENGAGE IN
FOR INSTANCE
, IN MY COUNTRY HEALTHCARE SYSTEM PRICES TWOFOLD
GREATER THAN Add a missing verb
ARE TWOFOLD
RURAL
Change preposition
IN RURAL
AREAS
.
TURNING TO POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS, POLICY MAKERS
HAVE TO PUT SOME STRICTER REGULATIONS ON Correct your spelling
POLICYMAKERS
IMMIGRANTS
, AND EMPLOYING OF
THEM SHOULD BE Change preposition
apply
KEEP
UNDER ATTENTION. AS AN ILLUSTRATION , EMLOYING PROCESS OF Wrong verb form
KEPT
IMMIGRANTS
SHOULD BE SEARCHED DEEPLY, WHY THEY MOVE TO OTHER COUNTRY,
IF THEY DID ANY ILLEGALITY. APART FROM THAT, FINANCIAL BODIES HAVE TO REGULATE Remove the comma
apply
PRICE
GAP BETWEEN URBAN AND RURAL Correct article usage
THE PRICE
AREAS
, ALSO
THEY HAVE TO MAKE AVERAGE SALARY REGULATIONS.
TO CONCLUDE
, IT IS EVIDENT THAT IMMIGRANTS
AND HIGH PRICES ARE KEY REASONS OF
URBAN Change preposition
FOR
CRIME
RATES, AND IT WOULD BE TACKLED WITH SOME SUSTAINABLE REGULATIONS.Submitted by afaaslanova07 on
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task response
The essay addresses the task by discussing reasons and solutions for higher crime rates in urban areas; however, it can improve in structuring arguments more logically and clearly.
coherence
Try rephrasing ideas to eliminate repetition and maintain reader interest. Make sure ideas are explained in natural progression without abrupt jumps.
cohesion
The essay’s ideas can be interconnected more smoothly. Use various conjunctions and linking devices to show relationships between ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies two main causes of higher urban crime rates: immigration and high cost of living, and suggests clear solutions to these issues
support
Each idea presented is supported by corresponding solutions, which strengthens the argument.
relevant examples
The essay is able to convey ideas with the use of examples, such as mentioning the healthcare price comparison.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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