The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.
It has said that the
day
off should be added on the weekend and people
could have be
more free Change the verb form
been
time
. I definitely, I
agree with Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
idea.
First and foremost, in my opinion
when Add a comma
opinion,
people
have a
one more Remove the article
apply
day
off, It can help to environment because many jobs produced
lots of pollution and one more Wrong verb form
produce
day
off allows to the earth takes
a breath. Correct subject-verb agreement
take
For instance
, most of the factories created many
toxic waste and Correct word choice
apply
impact
of air pollution. Many workers order Correct article usage
the impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
take way
coffee and Correct your spelling
takeaway
foods
with disposable cups and dishes and it decreases Fix the agreement mistake
food
in
for one Change preposition
apply
day
but if they have enough time
prefer
stay at home Add the particle
prefer to
for relaxing
and spend their Change preposition
to relax
time
in a restaurant.
The second,
I think the most important part of our life and great
mercy for all of us is the family. When we can spend more Correct article usage
a great
time
to improve
our family Wrong verb form
improving
to
many aspects Change preposition
in
like
socially and emotionally. Change preposition
apply
For example
, totally children need to
their parents, Change preposition
apply
this
issue gives them feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
security
. Parents could have more Change preposition
of security
time
for upbringing their child. Of course, this
situation is better for women (especially mothers).
Furthermore
,,
I think young Change the punctuation
apply
people
can focus on their future and build a common life together because these days young people
scared
of getting Add a missing verb
are scared
marriage
, maybe it Replace the word
married
problems
related to Fix the agreement mistake
problem
busy
working.
In conclusion, in my mindset , I never say it quite solves the problems of human and Add a missing verb
being busy
environment
Replace the word
environmental
crisis
but I think, it mostly Fix the agreement mistake
crises
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
to
them. We Change preposition
apply
are
working Wrong verb form
have been
many
many years Change preposition
for many
with
Change preposition
in
this
same way ( two days off), we can try to in new
way maybe Change the article
a new
this
condition work
for us and we have Correct subject-verb agreement
works
better
life.Add an article
a better
Submitted by mozhdeh_yousefi on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Work on creating a more structured and logical flow of ideas. Use connectors and transitions more effectively to guide the reader through each point you are discussing.
Task Achievement
Some ideas in the essay aren't completely clear or comprehensive. Try to express your ideas more clearly by organizing your thoughts before writing.
Task Achievement
Although your essay includes examples, they are not always specific enough. A bit more detail would help you to solidify your arguments and make them more compelling.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the topic of shorter working weeks directly and provides relevant points regarding environmental and family time benefits.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives it a solid structure.
Task Achievement
You discuss important and diverse aspects of the topic, such as the environment, family time, and young people's lives, giving a well-rounded perspective.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.