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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kindom , Sweden, Italy, and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kindom , Sweden, Italy, and Portugal between 1967 and 2007.
#carbon #dioxide #co #emissions #person #kindom #sweden
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The line graph provides information about the index of per person carbon dioxide the type of emission in the four
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 countries over the period
40
Change preposition
of 40
show examples
 years from 1967 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kindom
Correct your spelling
Kingdom
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 and Sweden experienced the highest amount of CO2 emissions
whereas
Linking Words
 Italy and Portugal demonstrated the lowest figure in 2007. In detail, in the initial
Use synonyms
year
Add a comma
year,
show examples
 both two countries United Kindom and Sweden stood at 9 and 11 metric
tones
Correct your spelling
tonnes
show examples
 respectively.
However
Linking Words
 , in the following
year
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the Uk's
show examples
Uk's
Correct your spelling
UK's
show examples
 trend slightly declined with 10
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the
year
Use synonyms
, the proportion of emission Carbon dioxide
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 UK inhabitants
owned
Verb problem
was
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 approximately
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
9
tonnes
Use synonyms
. Looking at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Sweden 's trend illustrated a dramatic rise
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
. In 2007 before minimal a reduction
just
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of just
show examples
 under 6 , it was 8 in 1987.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
Italy
Change noun form
Italy's
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 and
Portugala's
Correct your spelling
Portugal's
 figures accounted for 1 and 4
tonnes
Use synonyms
 respectively. Meanwhile ,
Co2
Correct your spelling
CO2
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 emission in Portugal increased by 1 in the decade. Turning to the next
year
Use synonyms
 , after rapid a rise with 5 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
 , figures stood at 4 in 1987.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Italy
was grew
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grew
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 to nearly 6
tonnss
Correct your spelling
tonnes
 in 1977 , but in the final decade significantly climbed
just
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to just
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 over 8 metric
tonnes
Use synonyms
. Interestingly,
firts
Correct your spelling
first
 both countries witnessed
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 figure ,
however
Linking Words
 both of them declined . So Italy and Portugal
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 seen
leading
Change preposition
as leading
show examples
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Submitted by Writing9 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, tonnes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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